Si vales, valeo.

Summarized Summer

2007-08-04T12:57:00.000-04:00

So, I left NC to go to a wedding. The wedding involved Jason and Kara Robeson, who are now lawfully responsible for each other's college loans. They're good kids.

A couple weeks later I went to Minnesota and met Meghan's family (or most of it, anyways). Her brother and I had already met, but her parents, one set of grandparents, and younger sister were shockingly nice to me. Apparently, everyone out there is that friendly, maybe it's the silly accents? Also, while we were there, we went to a very pretty (but very dull) wedding.

A couple of weeks after that I went to my cousin Chris Avery's wedding to a young woman named Sasha, which just happened to take place in North Carolina. Meghan, my younger brother, my parents, and I spent a couple of days at the beach afterwards, and she managed not to hate my family.

Earlier this week I started working at the Children's Museum of Pittsburgh, and it is pretty great. In the middle of the week I moved into my new apartment, which I will share with Ken when he gets back from Russia. Ken has a lot of heavy stuff, which his brother and mother helped move. Still, he needs to have less heavy stuff. When we move out, I am abandoning him to do it himself.

Ok, that's a basic summer summary.

Appendicitis

2007-05-15T16:13:00.000-04:00

To me, there have only three distinct time periods since Saturday night. Crippling pain (Sunday-Monday around 4), bearable pain (Monday round 4 until the morphine was in my I.V. for a minute) and morphine (asdfghjkl;). I feel much less like I'm going to die today than I did yesterday, though I am pretty sure that late last night (when I was messed up on drugs) a couple dudes in masks cut me up and took something from me.

So, the reason I didn't type up those stories with the other stuff is that I was beginning to feel some stomach pain Saturday night, and I couldn't concentrate on thinking, typing, or talking on the phone. Sunday morning the pain was worse, so I took an ibuprofin and some Pepto-bismol before church. After church I felt bad enough that I spent the rest of the day laying down in bed or throwing up in the bathroom. By that point I was running a bit of a fever, with chills, shaking, and sharp abdominal pain. Sunday night my Mom drove back to PA and I waited up for Heather's parents (my brother's in-laws), going to bed as soon as they arrived (around 9:30).

Trying to 'sleep it off', I stubbornly remained in bed until 10:15 am Monday morning, without getting any sleep because of the constant excruciating pain. I came downstairs then, and had a conversation with Heather's parents, which I don't clearly remember. They said they were going to take the kids for a walk, and I should keep away in case I was contagious. I looked up my symptoms online and decided that I probably had appendicitis, and needed to go to the hospital. They said to lock up if I left, and then took the house keys (and the keys to Avery and Heather's van), and went off for a walk.

In the course of the next hour I phoned my dad, my mom, Heather, Avery, and a hospital. Heather sent her pastor, who drove me to the emergency room and stayed there with me for the first four hours that I was in the waiting room. He got to see me go from "curled up in a fetal position spasming and unable to speak" to "sitting completely still with my mouth hanging open while staring off into space", which was a huge improvement. I was down to "hurts like hell but I can carry on a conversation" when my cousin Aaron arrived at about 4:30. And things only improved until Aaron left me (around noon today).

It only took me about forty minutes to get from the "take-a-number" lady to hospital registration (where I got a wristband at 12:23), but it was another two hours before I saw a triage nurse, who said to me "You certainly have appendicitis, and a fever over 102." She then sent me back to the waiting room, where I remained until about 5:30. Three seperate nurnes took blood, urine, and vitals while I was in a hospital bed in a hallway, and the floor doctor said it was the "most textbook case of appendicitis" he'd ever seen. So he sent a bunch of med students my way (with my consent) to poke and prod me while I was waiting on a surgeon. The surgeon arrived at 7:20, and by 10-something I was in surgery. Next thing I knew there were two very nice, very fat nurses named Anna and Tracy (I think? she was the white one) who were eagerly bringing me ginger ale and pain medication. And then my Mom arrived (against my wishes, she came the whole way back from PA) and began mothering me to death.

Stories

2007-05-13T21:09:00.000-04:00

My favorite story about Lucas in this mess regards his hair. The oil covered his entire head, and when the nurses tried to wash it out of his hair and scalp he wouldn't let them. They were worried that he had burns there which they couldn't see, but the next day, when asked about it, he revealed that he wouldn't let them wash it just because he liked the way it looked.

Yosef and Mihret have been holding up really well, and they're generally delightful kids to be around. Mihret likes to do a "No? Yes?" game, where she will say something and then add "Yes?" or "No?" to the end of the sentance to make it a question. If the answer is what she want's then the game is over, but if not, she'll just say the other one over and over for a couple minutes. Here's an example: "Watch T.V. Yes?" "No, Mihret, it's time for bed." "Yes?" "No." "Yes?" "No." etc. etc. etc. I think I should be annoyed, but she's so adorable and her voice pitches ridiculously high (which makes her even cuter) that I enjoy it.

Yosef made me wait outside his room the other night when I told him to get to bed. He said he was going to get something and I couldn't look. So after a couple minutes he ducked his head out and asked me for tape. I didn't know where any was, and I told him so. He frowned, looked thoughtful for a second, and then ducked back in. A minute after that he opened the door and was standing there with a lumpy object in his hand, wrapped in notebook paper and covered in stickers of bugs and battleships. "Present!", he said, grinning. I opened my present, and it was a black toy motorcycle that he'd had on his desk earlier. I told him I didn't have any place to keep it until I went home, and asked if I could leave it in his room for safekeeping. Then I tried to explain what safekeeping meant. Then he went to bed.

My nephew Lucas, and the rest of the family

2007-05-12T23:43:00.000-04:00

At about 6 pm on Thursday my nephew Lucas was burned by oil during a cooking accident. He's been in good hands (in addition to those of his parents), mostly intensive care and has begun to recover, but even if everything continues to go perfectly he'll be in the hospital until the 25th. On Friday my Mom and I drove down, so that my brother and his wife can stay near Lucas and won't have to worry about arranging for someone to watch their 3 other kids.

Sunday afternoon my Mom will be going home, but I'm going to stay down here to help until about a week after Lucas gets out of the hospital. This will take some pressure off while everyone is adjusting. I'm so glad that I can be here, and not have to worry about anything back in Pittsburgh. All of my roomates have been great about things like bills and living arrangements, including lil' Emily, who's going to be moving in in June. Speaking of June, that's when I'll be getting back to Pittsburgh.

Go to these for more info on what's going on with Lucas:
http://leaveittoavery.wordpress.com/
http://burakaeyae.blogspot.com/

I have a series of funny/nice anecdotes, which i'll get around to typing up some other day. Right now I'm going to bed.

Happy St. Patrick's Day, Internet!

2007-03-17T14:12:00.000-04:00

This holiday always makes me think of this comic strip, which has a "swear" in it for those of you with grandmotherly sensibilities. I still love the holiday, because it's fun without any seriousness, controvery, or obligations. Nobody expects gifts, candy, or delicious foods today, but it is a perfectly good excuse to give them. Of course, I didn't really take advantage of that this year, but the principle is the same.
http://www.partiallyclips.com/index.php?id=1210&c=1

The simplest tasks can become incredibly complicated when the object of your affection is involved. Not being totally disgusting is something most people master by the age of 3, but people in a new relationship have to learn that all over again. Patrick (Meghan's brother) and I got hit it off during his week here, except when I was being excessively cute with his sister. We've learned to tone down the everything because there was more than a little too much affection for other people to put up with us. After all of our closest friends became totally sick of us we grew tolerable, and are coming back into favor with the people who love us. The next task we're focusing on is "saying goodbye". When real people do this, it takes moments. When we started to do this, it took 3 hours. Last Wednesday I made blueberry pancakes for breakfast but didn't leave Meghan until around 1 pm, and even then it was really difficult. The good thing is that we're beginning to phase out of the crazy smitten dreamy-eyed fools stage and into a more committed only-barely-disgusting cutesy stage. For instance, instead of resting my head on her shoulder and wrapping my arms around her when we're sitting together I can sit next to her and hold her hand. I'm stopping myself now because it occurs to me that I could possibly alienate you, my readers, by gushing about Meghan until you puke.

Other things I'm really exited for: MY BROTHER'S FAMILY IS ONE! Avery, his wife, and their four children are all together in one place and it makes me very very happy. I mean, I know I won't get to see them all for a while yet, but just knowing that they're finally finally with each other makes me smile bunches.

Essages

2007-02-21T00:21:00.000-05:00

Recently I've been having trouble with error messages (or essages, as I like to call'em). My computer randomly gives me error messages that have nothing to do with anything and/or make no sense whatsoever. Usually they don't say what program they're related to, and give only a vague description of what has gone wrong. I don't know what an "Assertion failure" or "Incoherent_exception" is, and I don't care to poke around the webtubes for a few minutes to find out.

Examples include "This script was not meant to be called directly." and "Application has suffered a fatal internal error." They don't tell me which script or which application so I don't know if it was something vital or just some spyware that only got partially removed.
"Unknown error"s seem to occur an awful lot, and I think my computer just gets bored and begins making new things up to entertain itself. "A generic error has occured but no information is available" or "A General Error has occured" are very specific in telling me that they're vague. "Abnormal program termination" is a nice way of letting me know that the program I was just using closed out without
my express consent or deliberate choice. As if I wasn't there.

Sometimes the errors confuse me into making choices about things I don't understand. Most commonly I get "A runtime error has occured" followed by a string of numbers, followed by a "Yes" box and a "No" box. In these situations the little "X" in the corner won't close the error message and clicking outside the boxes doesn't work. I hope I'm not agreeing to give Microsoft my firstborn or saying, "No, I don't care if you destroy all of my data".

"Unable to create the file. (There are no more files)" seems to signify that because there aren't any files of a particular type, my computer is unwilling to make one that would be lonely. Recently, I even got an "Error: This file exists." in the middle of my surfin the web. Which file? I don't know. Why would it tell me that some indefinite file exists if it isn't doing anything? I don't know. My computer is trying to keep me wary of suspicious files, on my toes, as it were.

RealPlayer is gone from me because it once gave me an "Unable to contact Technical Support" error regarding another error, and and underneath it said "For more information contact RealNetworks Technical Support". The occasional "Unexpected Error. Please investigate." has inspired me to check my tower for gremlins, but I have yet to catch the little buggers at work. I've gotten an "Amnesia Error" before, and it kills me that I can't remember when. Sometimes it'll tell me I have a "User error" but I'm the user and I haven't done anything.

Errors like "TRAP_CAUSE_UNKNOWN" and "PANIC_DRIVER_INTERNAL" are threatening, but unclear, and not investigating their source hasn't had any effect.

What bothers me the most is when I don't get to make decisions I wouldn't understand anyways because Windows has made them for me. I'd rather be given the illusion of control then hear, "Sorry Dave, but I can't do that." Recently I tried to get my old Microsoft joystick working and I eventually discovered that Microsoft made Windows reject it to promote sales of newer models. Before I found that out Windows (which refers to itself in the 3rd person because it's a pretentious jerk) told me that "Windows has stopped this device because it has reported problems." and "Windows is removing this device." I was not asked for consent or oversight, simply informed so that I could look on as Windows does what it wants. If somebody stopped me when I had problems I'd be permanently stationary. Later, Windows told me that "Windows has blocked the software for this device because it has been known to have problems with Windows.", which I understand as "I know you invited that guy into your home, but he and I don't get along, so I killed him for you."

Once, I tried to go to the Microsoft's webpage to download a newer version of IE and it told me that I needed a newer version of IE to view the page and gave me a link to itself.

Dates in an upward direction

2007-02-20T09:15:00.000-05:00

Well, it's been a busy interlude. We'll be having some one sentance summaries now to catch up.

My sister Grace is married, so she's Grace Whyte now. I haven't gotten much of a chance to talk to her since, but I think she's got to be pretty happy. Last time I talked to her she was taking 22 credits and working 20 hours a week, so hopefully she's cut back to less superhuman work levels by now.

My oldest brother and his wife have finally gotten the last bit of the adoption through the courts, and are flying to Ethiopia to get their kids on March 15th, so that's exiting. Their kids are all crazy adorable, and I really hope that Yosef and Mihret pick up the Southern accent like mad. The relief and joy at the finalization of the adoption can't be understated, the process irritated even unflappable me and I wasn't even peripherally involved. I refer all y'all to Avery or Heather's blogs for more info (AND PICTURESES!).

On Valentine's day I had what was basically the best date in the history of the day or my life, at least and am still (almost a week later) dating this wonderful girl named Meghan. We've been friends for a couple months, so for her to want to be in a relationship with me after actually knowing me can be considered a small miracle. We've been trying to take it slow to garantee things go well, so we didn't go out Friday, we just met for coffee Saturday, and I blew her off for my men's group Sunday. Of course, after I got back to the house from Friday night I went back out to see her Friday, coffee Saturday turned into dinner and a movie, and she waited around with another girlfriend Sunday until my men's group was done. We're being good this week, though, and won't see each other today or tomorrow and probably not the day after that. Then her little brother (A 20something, so not so little) is coming to town for a week to visit, so I'll get to meet him.

In other news, I have to make a decision by Friday about what I'm doing for Spring Break, and I don't know yet what I'm going to do. There are two trips I've been asked to go on, and another part of me is leaning towards visiting the family while another bit wants to spend the whole time in the city.

ooh, watch yourselfs America

2007-01-19T15:23:00.000-05:00

http://scrapsofcrap.com/bush-speech-early-draft/

In other news, I'm getting a new roommate named Jerome to replace the one who moved back on campus to be safe from the muggings and whatnot. He's a pretty cool guy.

Pooters and Mugs

2007-01-05T23:16:00.000-05:00

I had intended to do some sort of summary of my year, but I found that idea bored me. Then I thought to chronicle the saga of my baby (computer) and its transformation during which I replaced the motherboard, processor, etc. etc. etc., completely stripping and rebuilding it multiple times in an effort to make it work properly. Then I realized nobody (myself included) would be interested in such a description and something else came up.

Earlier this week, one of my housemates was mugged at gunpoint by three guys about 200 feet away from our house at around 1:30 in the afternoon. Since he was headed out to buy books they got a couple hundred dollars of cash in addition to his credit cards and whatnot. Then, yesterday, my roommate was coming down our street from the other direction and he noticed three shady looking characters standing around on the street so he sped up. One of them yelled for him to stop and then the other two ran at him and tried to knock him off his bike. He managed to pedal fast enough that they didn't get ahold of him, but he stayed at a friend's house instead of coming home. Since there was a party going on across the street I went over with two of my other roommates and we let them know what had happened and asked them not to let anyone leave their party falling down drunk and/or alone. The guys who had been manning the door there said that three guys fitting the same description had tried to get into their party about an hour before and had gotten pretty angry but still walked away when they were told the party was "closed".

I was reading the newspaper today and there was a front page article about the recent increase in burglaries and home invasion robberies. Other then smash and grab style break-ins the most common tactic has involved the robbers going to a party to get the layout and feel the place out and then coming back a couple of days later and stealing everything valuable at gunpoint.

Honestly, I'm surprised at how scared everyone has become so suddenly and a little disappointed by the reaction of the police (indifference). I'm not about to start carrying a gun (as some people have suggested) but if I see anybody hanging out on my street who fits the description I might follow them from a reasonable distance and I will definitely call the police. That is of course assuming that I have my phone with me, since I seem to be losing it about once every other week.

UPDATE: (though not an interesting enough one to warrant the caps) Tonight, around 11, a couple of us were sitting in the living room and noticed three guys walking by our house on the sidewalk very slowly and they noticed us noticing them. A little later we checked outside and noticed them hanging out down the street where the first mugging was. The guy who got mugged earlier this week called the cops immediately, but they said they couldn't pick someone up without him seeing them up close and recognizing them. About fifteen minutes after that a girl came running down the street crying and was met by a guy almost right in front of our house. He said she was okay and soon the police showed up to take her report regarding her mugging. If we'd called the cops as soon as we noticed them (or if my roommates had let me go down there) maybe that wouldn't have happened. There's no point getting worked up about it now though. Shortly after the police left two more police cars and a paramedic ambulance thing showed up and went into the house I used to live in. Tomorrow I'm going to go over there and ask what happened. I think this neighborhood is becoming too exciting for me.

Yeah, it's been a while

2006-11-17T02:58:00.000-05:00

I've been busy, and other things. Basically, I typed out a couple posts over the last few months and then applied the "if you've got nothing nice to say it's better to say nothing at all" rule. As a result I've been pretty silent on the internet front. For the same reason, the few of you who might have been looking for me on AIM, yahoo, MSN, or ICQ (who am I kidding? nobody uses ICQ) wouldn't have seen me hardly ever. I apologise, I've been in a bit of a slump and when I'm down I feel like talking to other people will just pull them down too. If you called or e-mailed and I didn't get back to you I'm doubly sorry, by now you must realize that I'm a jerk sometimes.

Enough of that crap. At the moment I'm pretty proud of my dad, cause he's on facebook now. Oh yeah! I feel like it's at least a half step up from myspace and a full step up from the other 'social networking' websites even it it's still a grease spot on the underbelly of the internets.

What have I been doing instead of bloggings? Here's a big laundry list:
Did pretty well in my classes, at least relative to how I've done every other semester.
Made it about a week and a half as a member of the human resistance (armed with a nerf six-shooter) before succumbing to the zombie horde, and starving to death as a zombie.
I'd like to say I've been more involved with Hot Metal or Cru, but honestly there were a couple weeks where I barely left ~~the house~~ my room so I'm kinda just now getting back into things.
On that note I haven't shaved in about a month and I look absolutely ridiculous. I've got entire sections of my face where hair should grow that it doesn't, while my neckbeard has come in at least as full and thick as anywhere else. Small children laugh at me.
I also made pies as a group activity one day (pecan and pot), played some poker (losing), got a 97 on a midterm in a class I've still only attended once, got beat up by some toddlers (I bled), critiqued a professor's hygiene (in writing), voted (twice!), wrote a couple (terrible) stories and (~~love~~ even more terrible) poems, lumberjacked a ton of trees (literally), set up two (maybe three?) couples, read a bunch (more then 20) of books, tried to organize a football game (pansies didn't want to play in freezin' rain), had my shirt literally ripped off of my body (I ran away then), and wrestled a bear (maybe I exaggerate a little).

Things I haven't been doing this semester include:
Getting a job, dating (or even considering it), shaving monthly, sleeping regularly (I'm better lately), drinking (y'know what I mean), failing classes, taking risks (except in the board game), watching T.V. (I tell myself it doesn't count if I download it), combing my hair (seriously, who ever does that?), and wrestling bears.

If you would like a bigger story for any of the above say so, and I'll provide it or fashion something out of DIRTY DIRTY LIES. Whichever you prefer. Feel free to laugh heartily at my misfortunes, they're where I get most of my daily chuckles.

For the last time. . .

2006-08-28T02:01:00.000-04:00

For those of you who were unaware I recently had a haircut of monumentous proportions. The main purpose of this venture is to improve my employability, but I expected certain other benefits which I now find lacking.

I was headed home from the local grocery store yesterday when I realized that I had been a little hungry when I began shopping and had thus made some bad decisions. Sometimes your eyes can be bigger then your stomach, but my eyes were actually bigger then my biceps. I was laden with significantly more food then I should've been able to carry, to the point the my forearms and hands were completely numb from lack of circulation.

At the bus stop I crouched so that my bags wouldn't dislocate my arms and so that I wouldn't have to attempt to grap all of the bag handles when my bus came. With my wallet (displaying my Pitt ID, which serves as a bus pass) gripped firmly in my teeth and my arms tenously hanging from my shoulders I managed to stumble onto a bus. The bus driver greeted the old man in front of me with a "Good afternoon" and the fat man behind me with a "Good afternoon", but I recieved a hearty "Good afternoon, Ma'am." So at my stop, where I was the only one getting off the bus, I made sure to say "Have a nice day." in my deepest, manliest voice, and I was rewarded with a clear and well-enunciated, "You too, Ma'am."

One of my roommates suggested that I have transformed myself from a very ugly woman to a very ugly woman with short hair, even likening me to our landlady and attaining a consensus from the house that I now resembled her very strongly.

Have you ever heard of rotoscoping?

2006-07-15T06:56:00.000-04:00

It's a technique where live action acting is filmed and then artists go through the footage frame by frame and paint over it, adding costumes, backgrounds, etc. as they wish. Ralf Bakshi's version of the "Lord of the Rings" is the first example of rotoscoping I ever saw, but it failed to live up to its potential. In that case, it was used to keep costs down and the art was inconsistent, even within some individual frames.

"A Scanner Darkly" is a movie currently in limited release which uses a digital version of rotoscoping and it's pretty. If you don't know if you'd like to see this movie you can watch the first twenty-three minutes and fifty-five seconds of it over at IGN.

The end of neighbors

2006-07-01T02:19:00.000-04:00

The people who rent the lower half of this house are a little strange, but I didn't expect them to be racing grocery carts and the moving carts the University gives out at 2 in the morning the day they're moving out. The imaginary baseball on the front lawn was strange, but this is stranger. The weirdest thing is that by the time I got outside they were already out of sight. I hope the people who replace them and the people who move in here when we move out are at least as interesting and more social.

I do things like this all the time, but almost never when next to a computer

2006-06-13T02:28:00.000-04:00

Having decided to go to bed I went into the bathroom and began brushing my teeth. While I was doing this I realized that I had to pee so I stepped over to the toilet and did that. Then I turned off the bathroom light, closed the door and walked into my room. I shut the door, took off my pants, shut off the light, and laid down in bed.

Laying awake in bed I realized that I could still taste toothpaste very strongly and that my toothbrush was sticking out of the left side of my mouth a bit.

Last Will and Testament

2006-06-10T01:44:00.000-04:00

WHEREFORE AS at the time that I kick it, my stuff is up for grabs.

THE END

I thought I might as well get this hammered out in case God is merciful enough to let me die. Every time I visit my family I catch a cold (THE HORRORS!) and it lingers for a while after my return.

This particular time I brought another parasitical organism back with me, and he occasionally washes the dishes but otherwise waits patiently for my death. He told me that if I do pass fitfully in my sleep or he finally manages to smother me instead of waking me up in the morning he won't worry.

He's totally capable of operating my computer and TV without my help, can cook ramen noodles without burning anything, and cleared out the closet under the stairs so the he can STUFF MY DEAD BODY INTO IT. Please keep this in mind if you come by and find nothing but a dirty 16 year old wearing my clothes and smelling strongly of those deodorants that are advertised as whore bait.

I am a man of mystery

2006-05-31T17:24:00.000-04:00

Last Sunday (I think) a friend of mine dropped in from the Poconos to visit. Paul S., who took up cooking when computer engineering didn't work out, was forced to hang out with me because everybody else had left the city. One morning, over breakfast (at about noon, which is an appropriate time for it), he suggested that I leave with him and visit my family. It was about half an hour out of his way, but Paul didn't seem to mind so my family received a surprise visit from myself.

Needless to say, they were delighted.

I'll be heading back next Sunday, I think, because that's the earliest I can kidnap my little brother. He'll be staying with me for a bit, so that I have a domestic servant I don't have to pay. But who could want more payment then brotherly affection (calling him by girls' names and giving him occasional beatings)?

10 Commandments of Urinal Etiquette

2006-05-19T04:02:00.000-04:00

Last thursday night we ate at a BBQ "Shed", and drove around looking at stuff for a while afterwards. My van's conversation turned to poo, and it stayed on that topic for the better part of an hour. Of course this led to a conversation about urinal etiquette etc., and a consensus was reached about what is proper and improper. And so I present the
10 Commandments of Urinal Etiquette, from least to most important.

10. Thou shalt not let it be known that thou art waiting for an available urinal, through speech, fake coughing, or close standing.
9. Thou shalt not sing to thyself, if others can hear aforesaid singing.
8. Thou shalt remain within arm's reach of thine urinal.
7. Thou shalt wash thine dirty dirty hands. To wash them prior to urination is intelligent, but to wash them after is as vital as unzipping.
6. Thou shalt not occupy the furthest urinal from an occupied urinal unless thou art homophobic or the aforementioned occupent smells funny.
5. Thou shalt not occupy a urinal adjacent to an occupied urinal unless there is an emergency most dire.
4. Thou shalt not attempt to converse with thine neighbor.
3. Thou shalt not attempt to establish eye contact with thine neighbor.
2. Thou shalt not touch thine neighbor.
1. Thou shalt never, under any circumstances, gaze upon thy neighbor's wang.

So, inevitably, when we got back to where we were staying the first thing I go is go take a leak. As soon as I have passed the point of no return a high falsetto bursts out behind me, then another, and finally a third. The song was "Sweet Talkin Woman" by the Electric Light Orchestra. Hands (yes, plural) suddenly pressed against my lower back and the voices came rapidly closer and increased in volume until they were singing in my left ear, right ear, and from immediately behind me. Luckily, they had begun mostways through the song and I hadn't had that much to drink earlier. This strange event was worth mentioning because the #1 rule was not broken, but almost all the others were.

Oh, and if you ever see me around my little brother, ask about the flying minotaur. I learned it from the twins and I intend to teach it to my younger brother. It is more awesome then you could ever imagine.

Not a clever title

2006-05-19T03:34:00.000-04:00

So, as I was going between my room and the kitchen to refresh my tea and pizza (the breakfast/lunch/dinner of champions lazy college students) I realized something. If I can hear the guy(s) in the apartment below me walking around and talking to each other they can probably hear me singing and moving around the apartmentment in a, shall we say, arhythmic manner. It doesn't matter what they think anyway, cause they eat crab and smoke pot at 1 in the morning.

So, I had these stories about last week that I was gonna tell, but I haven't really felt like it since I got back. So, instead of touching/heartwarming/interesting/etc. you get what I feel like pounding out on my keyboard when I can't sleep.

On the way down to missippi we stayed someplace overnight, and the people who weren't sleeping were playing games. There was this strange pattern where I won a game and then nobody wanted to play that game anymore. It could have to do with my mad skills, or the way that I let everybody go for about half an hour when I was hiding (on top of a shelf) in stack hide an seek.

Near the end of our ride down Jim was wrapped up in a deep theological conversation with his copilot and they ran out of gas. While waiting for gas from another van in the caravan, various other vehicles with church-type insignia drove right on by them. Of course, Jim encountered one of them again at the next gas station. They were friendlier there, which I find very funny. Then again, that might have been after they ran out of gas for the 2nd time (it seems they left it idling a little long on that first gallon).

I do not understand why it's cold outside. Summer's nice weather is supposed to make up for the inherent lonliness and bugs that summer brings. Also, still no job. I'm fine, but it's late so I'm not quite cheery. I have pizza and a pitcher of tea in the fridge; life is good. If this pattern continues, I will be quite tubby by the end of the summer. Tubby and alone.

<-Final paragraph was sacrasm, for those who can't detect it in written form.

Preceding another haitus

2006-05-02T15:30:00.000-04:00

I know that this semester I wrote very little in here, and basically nobody ever saw me more then once a week. I apologise, but lack any good reasons. I'd say all my efforts went into school, but I don't really have any evidence of that either. Honestly, I don't know what happened to all that time. I just don't really remember anything notable happening. I'll be gone for a week starting saturday, so I don't expect to write much in here for a while.

Yesterday, I took part in Pittsburgh's version of the national pro-immigrant movement. Ken showed me some of the sights downtown and we got lunch beforehand, and then met the demonstrators next to the jail. The crowd here wasn't very big, maybe 100 people not counting the lone heckler, reporters/cameramen, ACLU observers, and bike cops. Using 4 traffic cops instead of the riot police they break out for most protests was a good idea, and probably cheaper on the city too. The counter-protestor guy definitely had guts, if not good judgement. He kept pushing his way to the front or outside of the group and waving around a little cardboard sign that said "SEAL THE BORDERS" on one side and "GET OUT OF MY COUNTRY" on the other. Near the end of the march one a couple of the punk-looking guys grabbed him and took his sign and he chased after them trying to get it back. They ripped it up in front of him, which obviously made him unhappy, and he just pouted for awhile and then left. One of the homeless guys who's always around downtown was sleeping on a bench where they decided to rally at the end. He's in his early 60's, has a big white beard with orangish-red stains, and wears a minimum of 3 hats at a time. He frowned a little when the noise woke him up, but told me he didn't want anything to eat. He didn't leave, instead he just scowled at the people closest to him and mumbling that he was there first.

March

2006-03-26T17:30:00.000-05:00

Not much has been going on in my life lately, not that would make interesting reading anyway.

As of last weekend, I am sleeping in a real bed. While I had no problems with my air mattress (other then it's recent inability to hold air) I have to admit a real bed is much more comfortable. Ken and his mother are to blame for my change in circumstance, they conspired together to do this thing and didn't even let me take some of the costs afterwards. It's especially nice because I've come down with a cold or something and I'm sleeping for about 16 hours a day (on average).

Yesterday was spent mostly helping the Wiemers move into their new house in Greenfield, which is located somewhere on a hill. I'd be more specific, but the hour we spent trying to find it didn't actually give me an idea of Greenfieldian geography. They do have a nice view of downtown from outside their house though, and a nice view of brick wall from about half their windows.

I'm still in limbo on a couple of very important things, which is what I think has made everyone and their mother ask me if I was depressed (I'm not, btw) lately. I just need to make a handful of decisions which will shape the rest of my life in the space of the next few days/weeks/months (depending on the decision). You'd think, being a college student, I'd be used to doing this by now but the urge to procrastinate and delay has stuck with me quite strongly.

Does anyone want some gum? Cause I've still got over 50 packs and another 70 coming next Thursday. Why, you wonder? A friend told me he needed to get rid of a massive quantity of gum and I was available to receive it. How did he get the gum? He said he'd tell me when he was finally rid of the stuff. Needless to say, I am exited to hear this story.

The rest of it

2006-03-20T22:15:00.000-05:00

Day 3
Turns out sleeping bags are about twice as warm as a blanket and waking up at 8:15 is plenty early enough for breakfast before leaving around 8:30. Having been told we'd be split into teams, we were prepared to do just that. However, it turned out not to be necessary since we were all sent to one site.

Beginning the work on Philadelphia Ministries, a church in the lower 9th ward, was our project for the day. The Bishop there has offered their parking lot to be used as a place for people to park trailers while they work on their homes, but there aren't any trailers there yet. This place was nice before the Hurricane, the sanctuary is enormous and we discovered the cameras they used to televise the service (ruined) as we began clearing debris. For some reason the water hadn't been shut off so there was quite a bit of it in most of the rooms. Even after it was shut off and had drained down a bit the wet mud was an extra obstacle to our efforts. In spite of these difficulties we cleared out an enormous amount of stuff, from pews and ruined choir robes to cribs in the nursery and an incredibly heavy organ.

Later in the day some of the guys who were working on the church's youth building across the street came over and asked for some help. Micah and I went off and helped clear out some assorted debris and then a commercial refrigerator. About three times the size of a regular fridge and chock full of rotten food, this thing was a beast. It had been laying down, on it's doors, but the smell was still oppressive. Six month old hamburger meat, eggs, and milk were probably the main culprits, and the only thing I've smelled that was much worse was dead, had been very sick, and was being burned. Breathing through your mouth wasn't any better, cause then you could taste it. The fridge wouldn't have been so bad if the glass of the door hadn't broken as soon as we got it outside. Moving it that last 20 feet to the curb took a while because not puking involved not breathing too close to it.

At the end of the day we were all very tired and very very dirty, but appropriately proud of the work we'd done. Of course there was still much left to do, even in that building, but we'd begun the work well.

Later that night I was talking to Jim, one of the leaders of the camp where we were staying. He was worried because the large nonprofit organisations are running out of money to spend on Katrina relief. Most of them took specific collections last year, but that money is gone and more hasn't come in. The people who don't normally give to charity hadn't been any more charitable then usual, so the aid money had come at the expense of other charities anyway. The Salvation Army has already pulled out, the Red Cross will be gone in two weeks, and most FEMA aid has ended or is about to end. Even organisations like the camp are running out of volunteers, when spring break is over this camp is going to be virtually empty for the forseeable future afterwards.

Day 4

Last night I got roped into doing security detail (the scheduled guy in his cot and I was only going to mine). It's not the staying up until 2:30 is unusual for me (even if it should be), but waking up before 8:15 is.

Regardless, this morning was spent doing landscaping at UNO (Univ. of New Orleans). The University wasn't flooded, and their biggest clean up efforts had been clearing away the patio next to the library where some refugees had stayed because their homes were destroyed. We had been told we'd be planting trees, but collecting pine cones in trash bags was an entirely different level of innane gardening that we were not prepared for.

Personally, I lost what little motivation I had to clean up someone else's well-manicured lawn and began playing with (rather then throwing away) weeds very quickly. Luckily some of the other people kept their spirits up by joking around as they worked so things did actually get done. It was great to see them pull together and turn what most of us considered a waste of time into a mildly pleasant break from the harder labor of gutting houses.

During dinner our group met together in a side-tent (which the next day would house more people), and most of our group decided that we weren't quite done working for the day. We gathered up some other assorted people, packed the vans, and drove down to another work site. Specifically, an old warehouse (attached to a large pink church) that was being prepped for 3,000 volunteers to stay in. The plan was to create a more permanent housing solution then the camp, in a more central location. Being in the lower 9th, the warehouse is perfect.

The warehouse had already received some TLC from some fans of TFW associated with Campus Crusade. Task Force Whiskey was a volunteer group that checked homes for people after the hurricane before FEMA got around to it, and spray painted a TFW on them to show that they were clear. The Cru guys had their own TFW shirts, and they said it stood for "The Father's Will". Quite a bit of cleaning and some gutting still needed done, so we got right to it. I found myself with about 90% of the men present working at gutting rather then cleaning. I guess bashing things with a crowbar is a little more manly then messing with a dustpan and broom.

We didn't have many ladders (actually just the one we "borrowed" from the church we were in the day before), so a few of us just used the ladder to get high enough to stand on the shelving that started about 10 feet up the walls. There wasn't really room to swing a crowbar up there, so I used the fists God gave me (and the boots from my parents) to knock out a couple sections of drywall.

After the work had been pretty much completed and people were moving around looking for something else to do someone (and then quite a few others) said that they smelled gas very strongly in one of the rooms. In about two minutes the generators which provided light we shut down, the warehouse was evacuated, and the resident expert was investigating. Safety, they say, is more important then getting a little extra work done.

Day 5

This morning our group was on breakfast duty, which I slept through most of. When I did finally get dragged out of bed I made my way over to the dining tent and had myself a bowl of cereal (or two) before I took a place on the serving line. Of course there were some people who resented my having avoided the morning work, but they didn't get much of an opportunity to complain.

You see, I hadn't had a shower that morning (on account of sleeping in) or the day before (on account of being lazy) so I booked it back to the sleeping tent and started getting my gear together to take a shower. Dan interrupted me right as I was about to leave and said that I was needed to go lift some heavy things. At first I objected strenuously (I was very very dirty) but eventually I figured I could just take a shower after.

Turned out the things that needed lifted were 20 minutes away (by van) and were in the back of a big truck. The things, it turned out, were a couple tons (literally) on tent poles, spikes, and fabric to be set up next to the warehouse from the night before. More importantly, there were a couple showers which would also be used down there. We unloaded, loaded, unloaded, unloaded, loaded, and unloaded that stupid stuff (that many times, in that order). It was incredibly fun and way more tiring then most anything else I could think of.

For lunch we went down to Church's Chicken (like KFC, only food) and got some grub. An (excessively unconvincing) transvestite served the piping crazy hot chicken, mashed potatoes, fries, cajun rice, and biscuits. Even with 5 starving men we didn't eat nearly all the food, which turned out to be a huge blessing. While I was in line waiting to get our food there was a guy who came in and borrowed a cell to call his brother. His truck had gotten two flats, so he couldn't drive up the road to get a free meal. So we fed Ivan and he told us his story. He didn't evacuate so when finally did try to leave his home was already flooded and the current swept him down the street. Luckily, he ran into a boat with a full tank of gas and managed to get himself to safety. I don't know how much of what he told us was true, but he was at least telling the truth about being hungry.

We were out so late (loading and unloading) that we missed dinner at the main camp and ate somewhere else instead, in fact I don't think we got back until around 8 at night. I did get my shower, and avoid every bit of kitchen work there was. You see, while we were doing our thing the ladies were back at the camp doing lunch and dinner for everyone there. Micah and Ben (the only guys who weren't with us) had been at a doctor getting themselves examined. Hospitals still haven't opened up, so a 4 hour wait is the rule of the day. Since I avoided working on every single meal my name was anathema among the ladyfolk (as well it should be).

Day 6

In a foolish attempt to prevent the women from "accidentally" braining me with a hammer I volunteered to help with breakfast. Since it was to be a hot breakfast this entailed waking up at 4:45. To this end I set my phone and watch alarm, but my phone shut off because it's battery was dead (7 days without being charged will do that). Strangely, the phone resurrected itself while I slept and the alarm went off successfully, waking me in a haze of button-mashing rage.

On my way to the kitchen I ran into guys doing security (but nobody else) and, upon my arrival, found the kitchen-trailer itself to be empty. This confused me a little, so I went back to the tent and asked the security guys what was up. It seems my phone, in all it's evil glory, never adjusted to the time zone change and thus woke my (usually lazy) butt up an hour earlier then even the early rise I had planned.

Leah (the lady I hit in the face the first day) was the one who had recruited me to help in the first place but I was working (with the head cook and another person) for about an hour before she arrived. We started out by attempting to make eggs in a giant wok, fry up some pancakes, and cook biscuits. When the pancakes and biscuits were finally all done the eggs were still frozen on top but burnt on the bottom (for some reason they used real rather then powdered) and sitting grumpily in the giant wok. We then scooped the egg soup onto the cooking surfaces, picked out the burnt pieces, and frantically scooped the results into serving containers. Overall, I don't think breakfast was very good, but it was a lot of work.

When we left the camp we were expecting to do some grunt work to further the state of the warehouse (cleaning or painting). When we arrived there were a few other groups waiting around in the dust and wind. After a short wait we found ourselves packed off to gut a home. Not just any home, though, the home of the brother of the tow truck driver who cleared the warehouse of it's derelict vehicles. A couple busses and such had been in the warehouse the day before, but since they didn't work they couldn't be very easily removed. Someone ran into this tow truck driver randomly and, though the group couldn't afford to pay him cash money, he agreed to tow the junked vehicles from the warehouse. What he did get was a promise that his brother's house would be gutted the next day (which would cost about 3 grand to get done privately).

The contents of this place had been abandoned, so after 6 months they were long past ripe. Dirty, wet, moldy things hid in corners and festered. But don't worry, we found them. Many things were filled with smelly water, like the washer, dryer, sinks, tub, cups, chairs, boxes, toys, and assorted knicknacks. The whole place rather stank.

Overall, I have to say I had a great spring break.

Sequel (day 2)

2006-03-14T22:23:00.000-05:00

Dan, around 11:00 in the morning, took a shower. This, in and of itself, wouldn't be surprising except that it was his 3rd in less then 15 hours. The heat, which was gently comforting at first, became mildly oppressive in the morning. Upon learning that about 500 people were being housed in an actual hotel because the camp didn't have room for them some of us became rather envious. When those people were shuttled down to the camp (for training and such) they assured us that their accommadations were not nearly so comfortable as our own mosquito-ridden tent. It seems that the hotel was hit hard enough that even 6 months after the storm the lights and beds have to be made workable by the people staying in the rooms.

Sheila, who's in charge of PR for the camp, was one of those New Orleanians who had decided to stay when the hurricane hit. She and her 18 month old were evacuated by boat when her house had around 4 feet of water in it. Her photo was used by Campus Crusade as the cover for their phamphlet for this trip. Since she hadn't given her permission she hunted down the organisation and discovered that she didn't mind it using her photo.

Since we weren't starting the real work yet, we took a little tour of the city. The French quarter, expensive homes, and touristy sections all seemed intact and basically okay. Of course they were a little Mardi Gras'ed, but that was expected. All of downtown is still littered with beads and coins, making out the parade route.

When we crossed the bridge into the 9th Ward it was like a before and after shot of an atomic bomb's ground zero. Entire city blocks are now just indistinguisable piles of rubble, pools of water have collected in the ruins and stagnated. The smell was like sewage, but less intense, a little more like the rotten smell of something long dead. Everyone knew, basically, what to expect when they got down here, but the immediacy of rubble and debris in every directions, horizons blocked out by the remains of lives has had an effect. Jason and I were talking about it later that night, and he said, "You see it on T.V., but it's not the same. . . seeing the levy, where all the water went through and destroyed everything. . . It's sobering."

Most of the homes had been shifted from their foundations, moved closer or further away from each other dependant on the whims of the water at the time, some colliding and coming to rest pressed tightly together. Others lost a wall or corner, their guts exposed to reveal the rotting remains of furniture. Homes came down on top of other homes, cars, trucks, trees, and anything else that didn't float as long as them. The spray-painted FEMA symbols were simpler down there, only an X to indicate that a crew had been through and a body-count. There was no need to state the obvious- all of these places will be demolished and hauled away in the back of dump trucks, there's nothing to salvage.

I heard one of the residents call this an "unnatural disaster", the result of government neglect more then fate or nature. The government's job, first and most importantly, is to ensure the safety of its people. The truth is that plans were in the works to do something to protect the area, but they'd been spinning around without progress for years. If the people had been willing to move that area would've been warehouses years ago, the powers-that-be considered its high crime and poverty to be a liability (at best). I don't want to agree with the people who say that malice was responsible, and I defend my position with Hanlon's Razor. "Never attribute to malice that which is adequately explained by stupidity", which I think the weakness of the levy and terrible handling of the disaster can be easily explained by.

The Lowe's was the busiest I've ever seen, the parking lot full and outdoor vendors selling not only tools but also freshly prepared hot food. Most of the other businesses, even in the French Quarter, haven't reopened, but even if they did there wouldn't be enough people around to support them. In the French Quarter almost every bar or restaurant I looked in was empty, and the workers were lounging around smoking out front. In all our driving around at night we saw only two homes with lights on, and the streets are practically deserted, even during the busiest parts of the day.

The trolley is running, the casinos are open, and there are signs everywhere advertising gutting, mold removal, and towing of junked cars. Maybe when more schools are reopened and a new Mayor is elected people will return in greater numbers and the city will bring itself back to life. From the bridge one can see where the levy broke and the destruction that flowed out from the break, but you can also see the colorful Mardi Gras floats and cranes reconstructing the levy.

Spring Break: N’Awlins (part I)

2006-03-13T21:41:00.000-05:00

I'll be typing up all the things I scribbled in a notebook down there over the next couple days, in a series of posts.

day 1, 3/4/06

Having left Pittsburgh in a pair of big ole vans around 6:45 Friday we arrived in New Orleans City Park around 3:30 Saturday afternoon. There are a couple of very large tents set up, with large trucks, trailers, and port-a-potties scattered around randomly. The organization of this place seems to have been determined solely by the placement of the trees and the order that things were erected.
A light warm breeze and a virtually empty camp were the first things to greet us here at “Good News Camp”, where the banners declare that Jesus Cares About New Orleans. That’s real subtlety right there.

Some of our group got right into work upon arrival, loading water and other assorted foodstuffs into a truck for another camp of aid workers. Sharkey, one of the people in charge of this place, led the remainder of the group on a little tour. By speaking quickly and quietly Sharkey insured that the constant hum of the generators drowned out his words, luckily the camp was much too small for a tour to be necessary. After the tour the entire group got to work hauling cots from the back of the dining tent to the tent where we’ll be sleeping tonight.

The main sleeping quarters here are a large tent with palette flooring. The fluorescent lighting ensures that the occupants can see the people sleeping 5 inches away (on either side) with remarkable clarity. They can also see the mosquitoes, who are extremely friendly and who outnumber the humans about 30 to 1.

The FEMA-provided grub was passable but plain, so missing a meal here and there isn’t much of a problem. Ben’s ridiculous sacrifice of meat (excluding fish) for Lent was especially hard, as hamburgers, hotdogs, and the like are the staple entrées of the FEMA diet. Maggie, among others, forgot a screw when assembling one of the giant heat-lamps that were donated to the camp. Jason ‘Sleepy’ Weimer and I spent some time going through and de-wobbling said lamps, which will hopefully prevent them from falling over and setting the whole place on fire.

While we were sitting around singing in a half constructed tent (next to the sleeping tent) later that night I declared war on the entire mosquito race and began a very limited genocide. Honestly, I only killed those bugs who were stupid enough to land on me and slow enough to feel my wrath. I also spotted a mosquito sitting squarely on the forehead of the woman in front of me. Her eyes were closed and the music was too loud to say anything so I just hit her in the face. I mean, I slapped her a little. Not a lot. About the time she looked at me with a mix of confusion and anger on her face I realized that I could just as easily have leaned forward and blown the mosquito off of her face. The first thing I said was, “I’m sorry.”, which would have been a better opener if it wasn’t plastered on my T-shirt. So, to her, I was some random guy who went around attacking defenseless little women just so he could apologize. I explained (quickly, so as not to get maced) that I was killing a bloodsucking parasite rather then indulging my natural inclination to hit pretty women in the face, and she was okay with that. Shanna, having witnessed how well this worked for me, continuously smacked me in the face for a while afterwards, claiming there were bugs on me. I think she may have been lying.

In other news, Micah took his first dump in a port-a-john and thought it was interesting enough to tell me. It was, and remains, the most boring anecdote I’ve received.

Starvation, A Cappella A Talent, and some things I'm not talking about

2006-02-27T03:30:00.000-05:00

The last couple weeks have been ripe with material I could blog about, but I'll spare you most of it and cover the more significant bits exclusively. This page has actually been up on my moniter for 5 days, and I've been writing a little in it occasionally when I feel like it. The thing is, now, none of that matters to me. There are THINGS happening. Mysterious things. Things I'm not at liberty to discuss. So why am I teasing all of the internet with unattainable information? Because I need an outlet. I've got a nice long private rant screaming through my head, but you're not privy to that. Oh no. Not a bit privy. None of it. So there.

Last week I did some fasting with some people and led my first group in the weekly homeless safari. The second to last guy we found was laying against a building downtown with his feet sprawled across the sidewalk. His name was Edmond, I think, and he looked to be in his mid 40's. He took a jacket and a lunch, and Ken (against my advice) gave him a little money. When we had walked about 15 feet past him he yelled at us. "HEY! Co' back here. C'MON! I don't want money or anything, jus' come on back for a mint." So we came back. He motioned us closer til I was maybe 3 feet away and then he sang us a song. Oh yes. This homeless guy, with black busted off teeth, sang "I'd die for you" by Bon Jovi. I say sang, but it sounded more like he was feeding the record through a trash compactor one note at a time. The strangest part was that he didn't break eye contact with me for a second. I didn't even see him blink. So that was interesting. I'm not sure if I was more touched, disturbed, or saddened by the gesture.

Sunday night I talked to my family back home for about three and a half hours. My parents' 25th anniversary is next wednesday (the 8th) and they're doing a vow renewal this weekend. I wish I could be there, but even if I'd known further in advance I'll probably be much more useful in New Orleans over break. I've still got a little preperation to do for that trip, by the way, but not much.

Depending on what happens when I might have some very very big news on Friday before I leave for the warm warm climate of the Gulf coast.

The times are rolling and good

2006-02-14T17:27:00.000-05:00

This entry is boring and has not been (and will not be) proofread.

Last weekend was sweet, this week has been going well. Everything this semester has been not terrible, in fact. The Hot Metal retreat took place up at some camp someplace. I was, of course, expecting to be stuck in an unheated shack on a cot. Instead, I was treated to rooms nicer then most hotels I've stayed in and food better then what I cook for myself.

Music is, in my opinion, the best part superficially of Hot Metal gatherings. It's really rare to have so many people in one place who put so much of themselves into the pretty sounds that they can make. It doesn't really hurt that a lot of them do it professionally either. I said superficially because the actual best thing at Hot Metal is the Jesus.

Anyway, I walked away from the weekend feeling a lot better about trust and vulnerability, which are the two things I've been working on lately. Today was surprisingly nice, for being a tuesday and all. Somehow I've managed to be a little more honest without everyone hating me and a little less guarded without getting hurt. I know that won't continue forever, but it's nice to be making progress.

Charting the manscape

2006-01-28T20:11:00.000-05:00

So we were in a department store today, I'd tell you which one but they're completley interchangable. Ken was in need of some new thongs, so the goal of our quest was the men's clothing place. Finding male underthings turned out to be much more difficult then we'd expected. They were not, as I would hope, with the pants and shirts. After circling the men's clothing area twice we decided to try a different tactic: the map.

Store directories are notoriously confusing, and this one was not an exception. Intimate apparel, the first possibility, turned out to be for women exclusively. Honestly, it's pretty apparent that a man's skivvies are neither intimate nor typically considered apparel. Any situations where they'd be widely veiwed they're going to be off quite quickly anyways.

In a brilliant marketing move, the clothing meant for a man's squishy bits is classified as "Personal Furnishings". See, men are more like architecture then people when it comes to clothes. We don't want something to cover our shameful nakedness, we're proud of it. It isn't style or accessorizing or any other froo-froo girly reasons, oh no. We simply desire to furnish our persons. Is that so unreasonable? I think not.

Going commando is like living in an unfurnished house, it's saying, "I'm so manly I can go without normal furnishings, indefinitely. Such luxuries are just a waste of space better filled by my nakedness."

Third time's the charm

2006-01-28T19:20:00.000-05:00

Weeks and weeks ago Leah (who most of you won't know) suggested trying to scrape together some Pitt students to help out the homeless ministry that Hot Metal (Bride Faith Community) promotes. So the week before last Ashley, Leah, and I showed up at 11 a.m. to help out. At 11:10 I called Jim, who's a pastor at hotmetal, to see if he knew why there wasn't anybody there. At 11:20 a woman asked us if we were standing in the doorway to keep warm, and if we had someplace to go. She thought maybe we were homeless, you see.

The next day I found out that the normal time is noon, and it was only at 11 during the summer. Furthermore, Jim found my voicemail later that day and since he didn't know any angry men named Chang he didn't call me back. So last week I arrived at the appropriate time (with a completely different set of volunteers in tow) and found two other people waiting. It turned out that the leaders had been up late the night before and had canceled due to tiredness on their part. While I quite enjoyed my time at the coffeeshop it wasn't quite the same thing as I had intended.

Which leads us to this morning, when Ken, Ashley, and I made the third attempt. There was nobody there when we arrived but Randy (who went to Biloxi with me over Thanksgiving) came shortly after us. Once again the doors were locked and there was nobody to be seen, so I was fearing another failure. After a minute of discussion someone heard something which sounded like people inside the shop so we knocked and lo! the doors opened. Oh, I forgot to mention we were meeting at the tattoo shop, making bagged lunches, and then going out to deliver said lunches.

Long story short, success! We managed to give away every lunch we'd made and some clothes too. Ray (who ended every phrase with a 'ch') didn't speak very good english but he had the smile and thumbs-up down pat. Some of the other guys were in pretty bad shape, and it was good to help them out in even such a superficial way. One group of guys had part of an alley where they'd been staying (for months, at least), and between the garbage, urine, and alcohol it was about the most depressing living situation I've ever witnessed. The worst thing was that they were comfortable with it, living in filth and hopelessness. Not one of them would accept prayer or show any interest in going somewhere else, getting real help. I don't understand how they can live like that.

What would crush a person's spirit so much that they're satisfied with misery?

What are the chances?

2006-01-03T20:30:00.000-05:00

I realize that I just posted about webcomics but this was too weird to keep quiet. I was reading through the archives of a strip I'd say is barely half-decent at best, but still better then seeing "Meet the Fockers" (which my flatmates are watching) for the third time. For Valentine's last year this strip had a contest where the winner would appear in the strip going on a date with one of the main characters. In an odd coincidence, the winner of this contest was none other than my oldest brother. David Avery Moore, who goes by Avery, is quite accurately and even humorously portrayed in this short series. This was definitely the first time I've randomly encountered someone I already know online, and I can't imagine how unlikely it was. Check out my biggest bro's guest appearance on "Least I Could Do" here and for the next 3 strips following.

In other news, classes start tomorrow and for some unidentifiable reason I'm nervous.

Robin Hood got all the ladies

2005-12-24T00:29:00.000-05:00

So my little brother and I are Christmas shopping and we get to the check-out in a store. The clerk starts ringing up the items and he says, "This thing's marked $49.99 but the scanner says it's $19.99 so that's what you pay. And since you got two of them there's a $15 rebate, oh and that third thing is $4.99, not $14.99. You guys really made out." I agreed and we walked out of the store, then Ethan turns to me. "That guy's an idiot, we did not make out.", he says. "Sure we did, we made out like bandits.", I replied.

He stops walking, turns to me and angrily says, "We're brothers and I'm not gay, but you and your sicko bandits can make out all you want."

Cheery Internet Wankery

2005-12-13T18:46:00.000-05:00

For some time I have considered doing this, but only just now got around to it. This is the wonder of procrastination, I finish what I started months ago to put off what I should be doing right now.

My job last semester (funny saying that) was boring. Dull on a professional level. A large part of this was that I was always dead-tired at work and most of my mind was/is (guess where I'm typing this right now?) therefore semi-functional. This left me unable to get much schoolwork done or (more importantly) entertain myself adequetly.

Fortunately, I had access to the vast interweb in all its glory. As you are well aware most of the things on this plane are garbage. Since pretty much anyone can make things on the internet there are many things worth seeing, but there are unfortunately many many many more which are not.

I first stumbled upon webcomics through a blog which criticised them (www.websnark.com) and became quite interested. Of the many many many series I read and generally enjoyed I picked these out as the best. Humor (first and foremost), compelling stories, engaging characters, and amusing art combine to relieve boredom efficiently and lift spirits considerably. That said I provided a little MPAA-style rating for each recommendation to ensure that nobody burns their eyes reading a novel profanity that I endorsed.

I recommend spending 5 minutes or so reading through a couple strips in each series and if you like them good, if not- also good.

count your sheep
G! (should appear in newspapers) Calvin and Hobbes if Calvin was a little girl, Hobbes a sheep, and the Mother single. Very sweet and innocent, but with some depth and sophistication worked in over time.

a softer world
PG-13, for occasional 'foul' language and ideas which might disturb kiddies. In this case sequential art is a better description then comic. The juxtaposition trick might get old if implemented less wonderfully, and in most copy-cat strips it does.

partially clips
PG-13, occasional 'foul' language. Stock images with hilarious speech bubbles, makes me laugh most of the time.

questionable content
PG-13, for adult language and themes. My favorite, in terms of story. A person can read from the first comic to the present over the course of a couple days and watching the art evolve as the story unfolds. It doesn't hurt that it is witty and engaging either. I do not at all understand what is questionable about this content.

something positive
strong R. No nudity, but otherwise dirtier then any hobo. Example: (this is one of the cleaner jokes)"Is the world running so low on lesbians you've decided to force a few of us straight girls over the wall using the threat of your naked body as your secret weapon?"
Obscene and obscenely funny, with likable protagonists and occasional insights into human nature. Allows for digital schadenfreude on a few levels. You'd have to trawl the archives to understand where it is now, but recently it has cleaned up significantly and began resolving some things.

I know nobody cares about my dreams

2005-12-09T22:22:00.000-05:00

but I had a dream today where Pittsburgh had fallen apart like southern Mississippi, into a sort of post-apocalyptic chaos. The church was all together though, living in tents and helping people survive. I was a little dissappointed to wake up and see that everything is normal.

It can be hard to realize that in the real world people don't usually want or need my help. Ah well, now I'm gonna get back to my books and papers. They need me, I guess, but more like I need them.

My plan has dissolved in the manner that elephants do not

2005-12-07T13:35:00.000-05:00

I scheduled this semsester to raise my GPA. Easy classes in easy sections, everything peachy. So now it's finals and my realistic goal is not to fail anything. If I have to take symbolic logic a third time I am going to be very very annoyed with myself. Also, I am not a tenth as worried about my grades as I should be and this makes me angry with myself. I know what I did wrong (mostly taking a job which screwed up my sleep schedule and not doing homework) but that doesn't help me until next semester.

Ah well, at least I'm not the only suffering from a severe lack of motivation and at least mild finals anxiety. I'm also blessed in that mediocre grades and a lack of worry about them are my biggest problems right now.

A long week, a long post

2005-11-29T06:15:00.000-05:00

Why I went and what I saw-
After the hurricane I wanted to help the victims somehow, but I didn’t have the money or resources to do anything significant. I thought going down and volunteering over Thanksgiving break would be more of a symbolic gesture than anything else, because it’d been over two months and so much aid has gone into helping these people that there couldn’t be too much left to do. I knew that a whole lot of organizations were sending people down Thanksgiving week and had sent people down before so I expected us to have a lot of down-time just waiting for work to do. I wish I had been right.

We drove into downtown Biloxi at night, over a rather obscure bridge, and in the dark things didn’t look too bad. It wasn’t very late (7-something) but I only saw a few businesses with lights on- a pair of liquor stores, a gas station attached to one of them, the greyhound station, a grocery store (with some boards where windows should be), and a funeral home. The only one with vehicles parked outside was the funeral home. The city’s population before the hurricane had been around 50,000.

The Exodus
I arrived at Pastor Jim's house late Friday night, but most of the group showed up saturday morning. I slept on the couch and my magical sleeping abilities allowed me to remain asleep for an hour after people began arriving. When I finally raised myself from my stupor there were about 20 people in the living room and another 20 or so hangin' around.

The 37 of us actually going to Mississippi packed ourselves into 3 15-passenger vans (2 rented at $100/day and one borrowed) and set off. My van's driver, a woman named Bonnie, decided to put a scripture verse on the back and gave us the time it took her to write, "Biloxi or Bust" to pick one. Someone had opened to, "Do everything without complaining or arguing, so that you may become blameless and pure, children of God without fault in a crooked and depraved generation, in which you shine like stars in the universe as you hold out the word of life—in order that I may boast on the day of Christ that I did not run or labor for nothing." Phil 2:14-16 so that's what we picked. I think we must have read that 10 times on the trip down, but it really kept everyone from complaining, so that was good.

We stopped in Tennessee for the night and slept in a church, cause otherwise we'd have arrived in Biloxi sometime in the middle of the night and had nowhere to go. It wasn't very late so we had dinner and then got together for a thing. It was kinda like church on Sundays, but even less organised and structured. We just sat down together and sang some songs, shared praises, requested prayers, prayed together, read and talked about some scripture, and went over our plans for the next day. Afterwards I passed Jim in the hall and overheard him talking to Matt, who seemed a little under the weather. “Matt”, he said in a serious tone, “I’m your pastor and I’m telling you, you need to take these drugs.” In retrospect, that's not especially funny.

Stories
The first day we were down there the ‘leadership’ (Pastor Jim and some of the other people) went on a drive to check out the people our contact had told us needed help. While they were doing that we got our tools together and got to work on cleaning up around the church. In the daylight we could see how much worse things were than we had thought. There was a chain-link fence that was knocked down in the yard next to the church, but it had worked to catch a lot of debris. Garbage was piled 3 feet deep across the yard, ranging from picture frames and medicine to electronics and a downed tree the size of a telephone pole. We just started hauling things to the pile on the curb (which we built to about 10 feet high and 15 feet long, where it could be loaded onto trucks and then hauled out of the city.

The first home we showed up at to help belonged to a guy named Tom. Tom’s life in the last 5 years sounds like one of those ridiculous country songs about loss. He used to be the Captain of a pleasure yacht but with the destruction of the yacht and the company it belonged to he’s kinda out of work. A few years ago he got cancer and almost died, as he was recovering his girlfriend (of a very long time) and sister both died, his dogs died, and he moved into the home we found him in. His furniture (which was all sitting in his yard) still had the tags on it from when he bought it, his car, motorcycle, and most of his material possessions were gone. Tom didn’t have any insurance, and the trailer FEMA gave him to live in is only temporary. When we showed up at his house to help him out- do whatever he needed done- he reacted a little surprisingly. He told us to go away. He said that his neighbor Kevin needed our help a lot more than he did, and that he’d be fine without our help. I remember him saying, “Kevin’s got 2 young kids and a pregnant wife, but I don’t have anybody to worry about”. That was really great right there, Tom’s selflessness. So most of our labor that day went into gutting Kevin’s house (which contractors have been charging upwards of 5 grand to do) and only a few people helped Tom out.

I wasn’t expecting the level of devastation I saw but more than that I wasn’t expecting people’s attitudes about it. Everyone I met was hopeful for the future and grateful to us for our efforts to help, even the people who we weren’t helping. People who we couldn’t have helped even if we wanted to stopped and told us how wonderful they thought it was that we were helping anyone at all. For me, at least, it was really tough taking breaks from the work. There is so much more work to be done then there are hands to do it, and most of it is simple stuff. Things like gutting houses, washing mud off of whatever was salvaged, hanging drywall, and just hauling away debris- these things need to be done. But it can be hard to do.

There was one elderly couple who had a lot of trouble understanding that mold on their walls meant that the walls (which were mostly intact) would have to be ripped out and replaced. Mr. Robert Battle had done two tours in Vietnam as infantry, and he and his wife (Gladys, I think) had grandchildren and great-grandchildren, living somewhere else now because the schools were too badly damaged to be used. The looks on their faces when we were ripping the walls out of their home, even after they wanted it done, were painful. I’m just glad we managed to put in new insulation and drywall, because there’s no telling how long it will be before they get more help. On Thanksgiving Tim (an electrician, by profession and a catholic, denominationally) and I were finishing up their drywall and he said something about being grateful I was there to help (everyone else was doing holiday-related work) but before I could correct him about me being nice Mrs. Battle materialized out of thin air. She said, “Ah wanted to thank you too, we’ah just we very grateful for everything you’ve been doing down here.” in a soft Mississippi accent and with the authority that only an elderly woman can muster. Well I didn’t know what to say to that so I just mumbled something, but she did leave an impression on me.

We had been planning on fixing a big Thanksgiving meal for the community (figuring they wouldn’t all have ovens or such working) but that wasn’t was God had in store for us. The fact is that most of the community didn’t even exist anymore. Tom said in his neighborhood only 10 of 700 homes were going to be salvaged at all, the rest were either rubble already or too far gone to try to save. So instead of making food for people who didn’t exist we did what Hot Metal does, found someone who did what we wanted to do better and offered our help. On Thanksgiving day we ended up doing balloon animals, face painting, serving food, unloading food from trucks, providing some of the turkeys (we bought 50, but didn’t use them all), and other assorted tasks.

The Crew
By the second day we'd learned that most of our group wasn’t familiar with any of our group. I, for instance, knew one lady because we rode the same bus to church on Sundays and had talked at the bus-stop a few times. Maybe it was the age group (almost all 20-somethings) but it was great to see how people didn’t form cliques and just worked smoothly with anyone they came in contact with.

I didn’t learn everyone’s names but I would say I could rattle off at least 30 of them, and seeing as how I don’t learn names easily that gives you an idea what kind of a group dynamic we had going. There was a whole lot of mutual encouragement and a strong sense of family, I've never been in a group that got that tight that fast. The only things everybody had in common were Jesus and a desire to help other people but it was more than enough to ensure friendships all around.

Good and Bad things, that rather balanced
Packs of dogs, abandoned by their owners, that have become wild and dangerous. Our contact said to carry around a club for protection and avoid them wherever possible. The only dogs I saw were in a pack of 7 or 8, looked friendly, and didn’t bother us at all. They looked to be mostly Shepards with a Mastiff and a Doberman or two thrown in. Tom said one pack had been *ahem* overly nice to his dog, but she was fine and they’d behaved alright (no growling or such) around him.

The military patroled up and down the beach, mostly to keep an eye on the casinos (which had been in the gulf and are now far from it) and warn people away from the beach. The sand is pristine on top, but down an inch it's a sooty gray like slush on the sidewalk and dead things (like dolphins) are still washing up on the shore.

With all the spray-painted warnings against looting and the police and military patrols to ensure it didn’t happen I was glad to see nothing but good people. Random strangers (usually with a local accent) would stop and make sure we had a place to stay, blankets, food and water.

Sleeping at night was hard. I don't think I would've been able to sleep as well as I did if we hadn't done the mini-church thing every night. Singing always make me feel better, hearing what good had happened that day was comforting, praying for other people's problems distracts me from my own, and the community always had something uplifting to say. Still, sleeping with those images fresh in our minds was rough. I generally had 7 ½ hours, maybe 2 of which where I just lied there and tried not to think about it too much.

We got a lot of work done down there, helped a lot of people, but I feel like it wasn't enough. There's still months of work left to do before things even begin to look remotely normal. The scale of it was incomprehensible to me, more damage in more area then my mind could easily handle. The only image that really established scale for me was when we went down to the highway.
Standing on a pile of rubble looking at that thing I got an idea how terrible, purely in scale, the whole thing was.

Spraypainted messages (pictures maybe sometime)-

Across a sign over a road near point cadet, leading to a cleared area full of tents:
“POINT CADET MILITIA RECRUITING
PEOPLE VS. CITY”

On homes:
“STATE FARM, FEMA -> DON’T MAKE ME SHOOT”
“we will rebuild”
“you broke our window, not our spirits”

On a pile of rubble:
“do NOT demolish- waiting for insurance”

Home, where my nipples harden

2005-11-27T00:29:00.000-05:00

It is cold here, especially compared to Biloxi, hence the tittular title. There was snow on Josh's (a new friend, curator of Soldiers & Sailors) car when he gave me a ride from Pastor Jim's house to my apartment. I actually beat Ken home by about 15 minutes, having spent 17 or so hours in transit.

I'll be making posts based on my notes from the trip, probably retroactively (can I use that in this sense?) to correspond with the days the notes are from. Or maybe I'll just do one big summary thing. I dunno.

I've had a sore throat/nose/cough for the last two days and my hope is that it's a cold and not something more serious. The marines (I think they were marines) babbled something about pollution killing the dolphin we saw washed up on the beach (which was very sad) and something else about cholera. It's almost certianly nothing though.

While you're waiting for my personal accounts of how little I actually did you could check out the letter on the bottom of the page here.

And I'm off

2005-11-18T18:40:00.000-05:00

I'm going on vacation, only not really. I won't be home, so don't bother looking for me there. I'll be back in Pittsburgh either late saturday night the 25th or sunday morn the 26th.

Here again, there again, jiggity jig

2005-11-14T01:37:00.000-05:00

This weekend I ducked home for a bit, which was fun. I'm going on a little trip over Thanksgiving so I couldn't go home then, and for some reason my family wanted to see me between early September and late December. Silly, I know, but you have to humor them sometimes.

I caught the last night of 'Trojan Women' at LHU, in which the fabulous Ms. Jackie Baker had a main role (as the only important cast member who delivered most of her lines without screaming). She was, of course, wonderful in her part (I almost thought about wanting to cry when they stole her baby) though the overall production was shrill and slightly hoarse. Furthermore, I don't know how Jackie expects to cope with the inevitable legions of adoring fans when she reacts so strongly to a couple friends showing up unexpectedly (and an expected man with a bouquet of unexpected roses).

My family was okay, they seemed to be getting along without any more catastrophes and they won't leave the country before I get back for Christmas. So, all in all, a fine and productive weekend in which I did absolutley no schoolwork.

Too much of a good thing

2005-11-07T03:13:00.000-05:00

I went to sleep Saturday morning at about 2 a.m. and woke up at around 9 a.m. the same day. While 7 hours of sleep isn't a lot it isn't too little either. The day (week even) preceding this I slept rather normally.

None of this is surprising or strange yet, right? Well, on Sunday morning I went to bed around 1 and fell asleep shortly thereafter. I woke up a little after 6. 6 P.M.

I am fairly certain that I should not be sleeping for 17 consecutive hours. Mostly I'm just bummed that I missed both church and a meeting related to my Thanksgiving plans (which was set for 6:30, but was both too far away and difficult to get to that I wouldn't have been there in time). Now I'm awake at 3 A.M. Monday morning with no idea how I'll fall back asleep in time to wake up for my classes. I'd just stay up but I have work from midnight to 8 A.M. tuesday morning.

See, if this were really unusual I might not mind, but this isn't the first time it's happened. I slept for 19 hours one day last week. That's about 80% of a day. If this becomes habitual I'll just set up a schedule so my roommates come in and shake me at the appropriate times. Now I'm wondering if I should stop by student health and see if they can fix me.

Update: Wednesday morning I went to bed around 2am, woke up at 5am, ate breakfast, did my homework, and decided to take a 2 hour nap before class. I woke up at 10:30 pm .

Prerana- in a miniskirt

2005-11-04T06:38:00.000-05:00

I was checkin my stalker-rific hit counter thingie and I noticed someone from Nepal was brought here by the googling "Prerana in miniskirt" (without the quotes). For some reason my page is the #1 result for that query. Let the record show that Prerana probably couldn't FIND a miniskirt her size without raiding a toy-store but that I'm sure she would be quite fetching in it regardless (do toy stores even carry dolls which are both tiny and curvy?). I am sorry, Mr. Nepalese man, for dissappointing you so severely.

In other news, I have about 10 things written on my hand to do today. I am currently optimistic as to their eventual positive state of done-ness. I have some rather stupendous goals for this weekend, which is nice but slightly infuriating. Infuriating because I am smugly self-assured about my ability to do everything I have planned in spite of both my personal history and the preposterous scope of my aims themselves.

To further brighten my already gleaming mood there is another gem. I have always said that I could give more blood than the standard donation, generally my actual words were, "Just take a pint out of each arm, I can spare it." They laughed at me then, but who's laughing now? I got a little card in the mail announcing that a "man weighing over 150 lbs. and at least 5'1"" could double his donation. HUZZAH I SAY FOR I AM SUCH A MAN! For some reason a woman would have to weigh at least 175 and be over 5'5". I suspect that if you take too much blood from ladies their breasts will deflate or they will become blood-sucking vampires. Possibly both.

The words amused and confused rhyme, I am easily both.

I can jump!

2005-10-29T21:46:00.000-04:00

3 feet into the air from a sitting position, under the right circumstances. If, for instance, I've been sitting in a virtually empty and equally silent computer lab for about an hour and an alarm goes off three feet behind me. The security alarm in this lab is, by the way, definitely louder than a fire alarm. How loud is it? A police officer walking across the street outside heard it clearly and investigated.

This is where my video game skills finally paid off. To disarm the alarm you have to input your 4-digit code and follow the directions on the screen. If you press a button too lightly it doesn't register, and if you press it too hard it registers twice. If you hesitate for more than about 2 seconds the screen clears and you have to start again.

After about two minutes of frantic button-mashing I manage to input my code and hit the right buttons in the right order to make the evil noises stop. Of course there wasn't anything to be alarmed about- someone's foot had gotten caught on the cable attached to a computer and the stupid security system thought they were trying to steal it.

I am certain this incident took at least 5 years off of my life.

too tired for details

2005-10-27T03:02:00.000-04:00

News: I'm almost definitely not coming home for thanksgiving.
Probably will some other weekend though. Thas the plan.

Bibble Babble

2005-10-26T13:41:00.000-04:00

Every tuesday the cru guys come around here about 6:30 and we have dinner and a little Bible study. Mostly I've been cookin, but Ken made Swedish meatballs one week and Jason made a chicken jambalaya thing last week when we watched a movie. Last night Ken made "Beef Stroganoff", which had the same noodles, spices, etc. The difference was no basil and some mushroom soup in the sauce. Still, more than tasty enough.

We made a cool flow chart, which explains a belief we came to after a couple weeks of study and discussion. Some of our conclusions break with tradition substantially, but we all agreed on them. I reproduced the flow chart here, if you're interested in semi-obscure theological discussions that could get us all excommunicated (if they even do that anymore) from our respective churches.

Tomorrow I'll have something more interesting to write about, I'm pretty sure.

Rama the Cama

2005-10-25T07:46:00.000-04:00

was the world's first camellama.

I am sooooo stupid.

2005-10-21T05:36:00.000-04:00

This post is dull, because zombies don't do things as well as normal people.

So for the last week I haven't been able to find my apartment key, phone, my favorite pencil, or a stick of chapstick. These were all in my pocket at some point, at the same time nonetheless. The important things were the first two, but I knew they were all together whereever they were and that I lost them somewhere in my apartment.

So I'm talking to one of the janitors tonight and she says she keeps hearing this beeping coming from my bookbag. I hadn't noticed, but when I heard it later I thought she might be right. I empty it out completely (as I did earlier when I was looking for these items and give up. A little later I hear the beep again, so I pick up the bag and shake it a little. a suspicious lump appeared in a place where there is no pocket and when I investigated I found a hole in one of the bag's pockets. Through this hole were all of the missing items. The phone was beeping from low battery. I had 4 text messages and 6 voicemails, but the battery died before I could check them all. I hope none of that was anything important.

Expectations

2005-10-21T03:35:00.000-04:00

I approached my Legislative Process midterm with both fear and trepidation. To date I have yet to figure out whether or not my prof is pregnant, and the actual course content is yet foggier. In fact, the only thing I've really got a grasp on is how to sketch my prof. Why is it that the one which took me 30 seconds looked more like her than the one that took me 5 minutes?

That said, I'm almost completely sure I aced the darn thing. Man was that lucky.

Next week I have another two, which I am still unprepared for. I'd like to be afraid, cause that motivated me to study, but I'm really not. See, I know I just did well when I expected to do poorly, so my expectations for these are thus raised. What this means is even if I think I'm screwed part of me thinks lightning will strike again. And again.
If I could make that part shut up it would be nice, but I'll just try to ignore it or bore it into submission through studying.

Then there's that external studies course I'm taking. The deal with it is this, I read the book(s), write two papers, and take the final. There are 2 (more) optional classes to attend but basically I'm on my own. The "deadline" for the first paper was last week but, get this, the Prof said he'd accept them until the end of the term with no deductions. I am going to spend as much time and effort as possible on that thing purely out of gratitude. I am also going to take the continuation of this course next semester, it uses the same book (which cost me less than $40) and works exactly the same way.

I think today is my dad's birthday, but it might not be. Happy Birthday Dad!, if it is, that is. I wish I had that written down somewhere or something. I'll try to give him a call anyhow. He is much older than he looks or acts, and probably older than he feels in his head. Over his lifetime thus far he has given much more than he got, especially in terms of good. I hope that in a couple decades that'll swing that the other way. Pah, that's borderline sentimental. What I really mean is that when the time comes I'll pay somebody to feed him 8 meals a day and change his diapers. ;-P

Tonight I realized how blessed I am to have my roommates, they are cool people. Also, I evaluated my small talk skillz. I have a marvelous "hello", an enchanting "hi", and a devious "good evening", but that is where my talents end. I cannot think of good things to chat meaninglessly about. This results in me greeting people and then drifting away, through a sidestep, glide, and a single, tentative hop. The hop was unsuccessful, it drew more attention than it avoided. It has been duly noted that hopping is not a graceful way to exit a conversation.

Cute- Notsomuch

2005-10-18T01:22:00.000-04:00

Cute- My roommate lit some scented candles, which were reminiscient of ladies.
Notsomuch- that's why he lit them, he is sorta lonely.

Cute- The nice little writeup I got for wearing jeans to work.
Notsomuch- the nice long talk with my boss about "professional attire" and the causal slippery slope that was at its core.

Cute- Candy from Canadia, chocolate eggs with toys inside.
Notsomuch- all the shells were broken, and now my bookbag needs washed.

Cute- Five girls (freshman?) in short skirts and skimpy tops I passed on my way to work.
Notsomuch- they were going drinking on a monday, at midnight, in 50 degree cold. It was also raining.

For about a week and a half I have had this feeling that something somewhere is really wrong and I should fix it. This is almost as long as it's been since I've used an IM client or talked to someone over the phone, but I think that's unrelated.
When I told Jason (a roomie) about my feeling that I was missing something he responded with this:
"Spectacles, testicles, wallet, watch?"
I checked and responded, "All intact."
"Well then you're good to go."

I guess I am, at that.

Cockamamy

2005-10-11T03:39:00.000-04:00

Silly, foolish, worthless.

Because knowledge is power.

Cockamamy!

greatness of happy

2005-10-08T20:12:00.000-04:00

My dilemma this weekend- too many fun activies and not enough time to do them in. Right now there's a little birthday-style get together @ Mab's, estimated fun level=quasi-cosmic. Her best present was a box full of friend-from-home, bursting with hugs. Back at my place (I love saying that) there are a bunch of fine ladies (and my awesome roommates) doing only God knows what (watching a children's movie, they claimed), fun estimation=antedeluvian. (Don't bother looking that up, it doesn't really apply here, I just like the word (can you do a whole sentance in parenthesis? I just did!)).

The absence of Chris, who rocks mightily, weighs heavily on me but I am confident in his return from the land of Virgin-I-A sometime Sunday evening. There have also been shaky rumors and hushed whispers about the temporary return of a certain alleged gay lover of mine, but sans 1 foot of luscious golden locks (you know who you are, JC).

I wish I always had the too-much-fun problem, and I wish it on you as well (as long as I'm wishing things, I would also like a flying penguin (to ride, of course)).

And why I am writing about fun instead of having it? Work, my friends, if you care to call it that. The computer lab is practically jumping tonight, with a whole 12 people in it.

"Oh my gaaawd"

2005-10-06T17:37:00.000-04:00

"That's so weird."
"You look like my dad."
"Don't leave the house like that."

What did I do to get these varied reactions from my roommates, you wonder? I tied my hair back (for the first time in my life). My hair really is a delightful creature, it will sadden me when it finally grows bored with me and crawls off to start its own life. I console myself with the knowledge that it will be immeasurably happier living in a small burrow and eating squirrels.

31 hours of my life

2005-10-01T20:02:00.000-04:00

Between 1 pm friday and 8 pm saturday (today) i have spent 9 hours awake and 22 hours asleep.

This is unusual even for me.

Lost and found?

2005-09-30T05:34:00.000-04:00

I have been doing something kind, technically, and I feel I must share it with the world. This way your eyes will be opened to my greatness, selflessness, etc. etc. and you may subsequently bow to me. Alternately, you could stop complimenting me all the time, as you can see how I have a swelled head. See? It's approaching megalomanic cutesy anime proportions here people!

Without further ado: The lost and found here at work contains all sorts of assorted garbage. Some few items have actual people's names on or in them. I have been using these names and looking up the email addresses of the idiots to whom the items belong. Calculators, notebooks (filled), zip disks, thumb drives, and such often contain clues regarding their ownership. The below is an e-mail I sent to one of these people:

Dear Sir,

Your hands are dirty. Wash them.
Done?

Now remove your head from your colon, wash your hands again, and come get me.

I am in the Benedum Hall computer lab's LOST-AND-FOUND box. I am waiting patiently, but I warn you that the beady-eyed freshcreatures look on me with lust in their hearts. They desire me, not knowing what most foul evils I contain.

Now, a warning. If you lose me again I will rip your spleen out, beat you in the face with it, saute it in a garlic vinagrette, and serve it to you with a side of fava beans.

Hugs and kisses,
Your "Thermal Sys." notebook

P.S. WASH YOUR STINKIN HANDS!

Man, there is something wrong with me. I was considering a (PSS Ignore all teeth marks found on my illustrious personage) but I never got around to chewing on the darn thing.

Regarding my diet

2005-09-25T22:06:00.000-04:00

Sarah was absolutely correct, earlier, when she said that those green peppers had not gone bad. She knows her stuff, but I couldn't imagine what else could have made me sick so they went into the garbage. In my defense, sliced peppers could have gone bad in two weeks.

I have developed a new theory- soft cheeses go bad faster than hard cheeses, and much faster than green peppers. Specifically, mozzarella from the Ga'agle (as the Giant Eagle sign currently reads), goes bad more quickly than parmesan from the same place.

My theory is based on the funkified taste of said mozzarella and my current condition, identical to last night's (not good at all). My old friend cheese seems to have betrayed me at long last. Et tu queso?

On an unrelated note, someone said to me earlier today that I speak in a "literary" style, and I am still debating internally about what that implies. I think my secret has been discovered, most of my social skills are "borrowed" from the books I devoted a handful of years to. Still, I don't think I'm doing too shabby if it took five years for somebody to begin to figure that out.

P.S. Don't ask me for honesty if you're going to bitch at me when you get it. Oh wait, my previously stated theory covers this: WOMEN CAN BE CRAZY!

P.P.S. (I realize all people can be crazy, but it is crazy women who I do not understand.)

Mild Debauchery

2005-09-24T10:05:00.000-04:00

Is that an oxymoron?

Hypothetically speaking, of course, what would it entail? Debauchery generally involves excessive drinking and wild sex, so I think mild debauchery would have to be basically PG. PG-13 at the most. Nothing you would feel dirty displaying to a 13 year old.

In other news, my work schedule is making my sleep schedule increasingly odd. I need to make some decisions to sleep at certain times with regularity and then stick too it. I'm not an insomniac, quite the opposite, I estimate that I have been sleeping about 13 hours per day from thursday through the weekend.

SNAKES ON A PLANE!!!
Isn't that the best movie title ever?
Samuel L. Jackson stars in it. I think this will be even better than the movie where he played a kilt-wearing pharmacologist named Elmo who beat people with his golf clubs.

Snakes! on a plane!

☠

2005-09-20T04:19:00.000-04:00

Argh! The day what was yester was "talk lick a pirate day", yar! While nobody e'en tried ta lick me all day I was prepared far tha warst af it. Tis'nt tat day no mar, but next yar I'll git tha ward out sooner.

Shiver me timbers, methinks the marrow is me sister-in-law Vannessa's barthdy, and I'm shar as I'm beardless my brother (her husband) Seth's is the 22nd. He shars it with Frodo and Bilbo Baggins, who, standing on each ather's shalders, are about as tall as he. Heppy Barthdy tah them both! Avast!

I hereby christen today, and every day following it, Nonsense Day. This is my final attempt to understand women, and if it fails I am doomed forever to be confuzzled by their ways and wiles.

Cognitive Philosophy rests on the principle of Charity, which is that other people act rationally. The concept of Nonsense Day is that women cannot be expected to act rationally on Nonsense Day. Whatever they do is to be accepted and forgotten, as remembering their actions might lead me to attempt to build a pattern out of them. This would lead to the magazine shack from "A Beautiful Mind" and the associated Schizophrenia.

For instance, three hithertofore normal seeming women suddenly began saying strange things to me early this morning. Two signed off their IM's before I could make head nor tail or any of it, and with the third I'm unsure of my current status (parolee or shoot on sight). I composed apologies for the other two and e-mailed them out forthwith.

The only reason I'm sure they weren't working in tandem to kill me through massive psychophysical brain hemorrhages is that they don't know each other and none of them are even in the same city right now.

Nonsense Day justifies now and forever this instances when women say or do things that make no sense. It fits into my new conception of reality, the one which keeps me out of the fetal position. YO HO HO an a bottle a RUM!

Pitt's season in a single play

2005-09-17T18:53:00.000-04:00

9 seconds left in the game, the score is 6-7, the outcome of the game is riding on a single kick- from the 48 yard line.

The ball is hiked quickly and accurately, but the guy who holds the ball so the kicker can kick it isn't paying attention. This guy is Lucy in Peanuts, he doesn't even know what he's supposed to be doing. The ball HITS HIM IN THE FACE.

/game
/season

omg stupid freakin money floogin ragble bibble

2005-09-16T22:00:00.000-04:00

Sip bob chicka DOOOOOOOOOM!

Why must my frustration and annoyance be drowned in love and well-meaning gestures?

My Mom sent me a check and a note, which contain more monies than I will make in the next two months and a statement that my little brother "Eithan put on account or deposit in checking to help with winter bills [sic]". Ethan, who took miser lessons from a Scrooge, wants to help me out. I don't need their help right now and I didn't ask for it, my financial situation was basically in-hand already.

I want to go home and hug them all and tell them how fine I am. Which is, in case you didn't know, pretty darn fine. (fine in the good but not-sexy way)

They love me soooooo much.

"You say you want a revolution,

2005-09-16T02:31:00.000-04:00

well, you know-
we all want to change the world." - The Beatles

This is the controller for the Nintendo Revolution. It looks like a TV remote, and it has sensors which detect how it is moved around.

My mom, when we got her to try playing video games, would move the controller in the direction she wanted things to go, and tilt it when she wanted things to tilt. After we stopped laughing at her my brother and I agreed it would be cool if video game controllers used gyroscopics to do that. It seems the Nintendo people figured this out too.

This literally adds a whole new dimension to the control scheme, and it finally allows the one thing I've always missed in gaming, detailed intuitive sword fighting. Especially with the "nunchaku" add-on, which contains a thumbstick and two more buttons.

I should get some BCG*'s and a pocket protector, I'm such a nerd.

*Birth Control Glasses

Gibberish 1490

2005-09-13T02:48:00.000-04:00

I'm coming down with something, and it hasn't gotten better yet. My most challenging class this semester looks to be "Philosophy of Cognition", my first top level undergrad Phil course. I've got one friend in the class, and we're starting a study group with a few other guys.

The first day there were 30 people in the class. Every day the Prof. asked a few students to stay after class and talk to him, these people never came back. There were about 14 people left in the class yesterday.

Here's an exerpt from the first reading, in which all of these terms are introduced:

"Behavioral data are to be seen as systems of interconnected components, each component is a "homunculus," in that it is identified by reference to the function it performs, and the various homuncular components cooperate with each other in such a way as to produce overall behavioral responses to stimuli. The "homunculi" are themselves broken down into subcomponents whose functions and interactions are similarly used to explain the capacities of the subsystems they compose, and so again and again until the sub-sub-. . . components are seen to be neuroanatomical structures."

Now I read over this about 4 times before it made sense to me, but something about it annoyed me. Homunculus, the word was familiar to me. My latin tells me it means "small man", so I looked it up in the dictionary:

Homunculus
n. pl. ho·mun·cu·li (-l)
1. A diminutive human.
2. A miniature, fully formed individual believed by adherents of the early biological theory of preformation to be present in the sperm cell.

That left me even more confused, then I remembered where I had heard the word before. In a Japanese cartoon homunculus is the word used for the alchemically created villians. This does not help my understanding of the text.

Later that day, a friend of mine explained that anyone who'd taken a basic Neuroscience course knows that the homunculus is the part of the cerebral cortex which maps the proportionate association of the cortex with parts of the body.

Of course, that makes it all clear now. Or not.

So I Wikied it and got an actual answer that my tiny little brain can understand. It said that generally a homunculus was an artifically created person (think the monster from Frankenstien). This person is supposed to be about a foot tall.

The earliest "recipe" for making your own mini-Frankenstein-monster was to mix bones, skin, sperm and animal hair. Bury that in horse poo for 40 days, and watch your new embryo form. It seems some people actually attempted this.

However, Wiki went on to say, in the philosophy of mind "A Homunculus argument accounts for a phenomenon in terms of the very phenomenon that it is supposed to explain (Richard Gregory (1987)). Homunculus arguments are always fallacious." (emphasis mine)

So, all this grief for a midget recipe and a concept that is ALWAYS WRONG.

I'm sure these will be invaluable when I leave the academic world in a few years.

Almost all better now

2005-09-11T01:00:00.000-04:00

I hugged like 7 people.

It is disgusting how much better that made me feel.

My neighbors are having a keg party and I don't care.

I should hug people more often.
So should you!

Frustrated

2005-09-10T22:23:00.000-04:00

I don't feel that way very often, but I do right now. I want to go home. There are people in my apartment right now laughing, talking, and having a great time. I want to be there doing that. I wish I was downstairs at Pitt's all-campus worship, which I went to meetings, made flyers, and hung them all over campus.

Instead I am at work, where the other consultant has at least a year's more experience than I do and there are a whole 3 people in the lab.

I feel useless here.

Money is not good unless you have it, and I hate the power it has over my life. I don't want to feel obligated and I do. I know how pointless worry is and I can't help it.

ARGH! Earlier today I was thinking I would really like to be the loser in a rigged boxing match. It would feel good to take a fall that was planned for once, and pain would be a great distraction.

Curses! foiled again

2005-09-09T05:08:00.000-04:00

I work a good shift for studying, which is wonderful under most circumstances.

Tonight all my books are sitting in a pile on my bed. I forgot them, you see.
The internet is entertaining, up to a certain point. I am all alone, everyone having gone to sleep, except for one of my co-workers in another lab.

I have some sort of sick going on, mostly in the back of my throat. The uvula thingie is all colorful, among other symptoms. I stopped by the Korean grocer and got some things, all of which made me feel much better. Did you know that aloe can be a beverage? It has slimy green chunks in it, but in a soothing and delicious manner. My new favorite is cinniman punch, because it is tasty.

At cru earlier I met a few people, at least one of whom was very cool. Why is it that when I like people I invariably feel they are much better than me?

I - just stared off into space for the last 47 minutes, it's 5:56 now. As a result I lost that there sentance.

I am definitely tired enough to sleep, which is good since I only have two hours of work left. After that I'll go to my logic recitation, sci-fi, econ recitation, and at about 11:25 I will go back to my apartment and catch up on my rem time.

I think I will be less tired when I have something to do, like when I get off work.

One of the janitors looks like Napolean Dynamite with different hair, but he doesn't talk and is mildly creepy.

Can't sleep, janitor will eat me.

Dirty bird of mystery

2005-09-07T02:31:00.000-04:00

I was walking home earlier and I noticed something strange- outside the Giant Eagle (a Pittsburgh grocery store) there were 2 police cars. Standing on the sidewalk were 2 police officers, and lying facedown on the same sidewalk was a man. A third officer was kneeling next to the man, talking on his radio. They told me to keep walking so I did, until I was about half a block closer to my apartment.

An ambulance came (without lights or sirens), inspected the man lying on the sidewalk, and left him there. The police did not go anywhere. I hope the man isn't dead.

If he is dead, I hope the guy who came out of the dead-end alley across from where I was standing had nothing to do with it. He was watching the proceedings in the same way I was, and he waited until the police were talking to the ambulance people before he left. I'm pretty sure he's just a plain old drug-dealer. He dresses much too nicely to be a bum, hangs out in the same area all the time, and has approached me before without asking for money.

WARNING: boring political rant

2005-09-03T23:49:00.000-04:00

The supreme Supreme Court Justice, William H. Rehnquist, has died. He passed sometime around 11 tonight, ending speculation about his eventual fate. Personally, my money was on cyborg-implants. I expected him to take a page out of Darth Vader's book and hang on to some semblance of life as long as his neurons were firing.

I think he was the second eldest judge ever on the supreme court, but that doesn't mean much politically. More importantly, he was the most moderate conservative on the court. Scalia/Thomas (Thomas follows Scalia like a real trooper) are/were more conservative than he. In order of descending conservatism Kennedy, Stevens, and O'Connor (whose replacment is going through right now) are swingers. Souter is a liberal, Breyer more liberal, and Bader Ginsberg is to liberal as a feral saber-tooth is to a sleeping kitten.

This means that whoever the president nominates will swing the court in a decidedly conservative direction. John Roberts (O'Connor's replacement) hasn't faced any serious opposition (yet), so this new nominee will be more controversial. Even if they are less conservative than Roberts they will be easier to oppose because the process will just be beginning. I expect, however, that the nominee will be a very openly conservative judge and that the full force of the Republican party will be behind them.

Here's why: President Bush doesn't have to run in 08, Supreme Court Justices are arguably more powerful than Presidents anyway and most especially when they'll tip the scales strongly in one direction.

Okay, that's all I have to say about this right now.

Bad: Falling from the 40th floor of the Cathedral

2005-09-03T21:00:00.000-04:00

Worse: Falling from the same height but into fifth avenue traffic, and subsequently being hit by a car.

Surprisingly, this horrible string of luck resulted in nothing but a broken shoulder and a few minor injuries for the victim. It turns out that he deliberately threw himself off the roof believing he could fly. He fell in June, and over the last few months he's received medical care costing almost $2,500. Actually, now that his shoulder's healed it turns out he does fly rather well.

Oh, here's a picture of the little guy, isn't he cute?

In the last three years 15 peregrine falcons have been born in the aviary on the roof of the cathedral. All of the others fledged successfully on their first try, including this one's two siblings. They seem to like it here, there are certainly enough pigeons around that they'll never starve.

Mmmm, sky-rats.

My job is cool

2005-09-02T05:41:00.000-04:00

how cool is it?

It's cooler than a bannana-coconut smoothie in July. It is cooler, in fact, than James Brown hisself.

I sit here, from midnight to eight, and surf the mighty river of information. Also, I study my book-learnin.

Best of all, I meet cool and interesting people. The cleaning person, for instance, who was passing through here on his rounds. He stopped and talked to me for almost an entire hour.

We talked about copyright law, Nikola Tesla, the weather (hurricanes, specifically), Disney's corporate evil, and the price of gasoline. Regarding the fate of New Orleans, he had this to say. "My granddad told me you can't put five pounds of sh*t in a ten pound bag, and I guess this shows the same goes for water and bowl-shaped cities."

I concur.

P.S. My job is not as cool as Jesus.

I try to help

2005-08-29T02:49:00.000-04:00

I know I'm going to fail most of the time, but I'll try anyway.
I'm wrong way too often to depend on what I know anymore.

I'm sorry that I screw up, and I sorry if you get hurt, what else can anyone offer?

Mmmmm, freshman

2005-08-24T15:56:00.000-04:00

In the quad there are cheerleaders, dancing about merrily and shouting cheery things. There are also hordes of freshmen swarming everywhere with parents and moving carts in tow. Some have already begun to group together, forming packs and flocks that move randomly around campus. Others wander alone, eyes wide in fright, jumping at every small noise and staring with open mouths at the grand cathedral.

To make up for the freshmen and convince their parents that Pitt is a friendly place there is free food being doled out in large quantities. Unending supplies of pizza, soda, donuts, ice cream, and other treats are being piped into the quad and handed out. So far I have had 8 slices of pizza, 5 push-pops, 2 popsicles, and an ice cream sandwich. I recognized almost half of the people who were hanging around eating food, though it was intended for the freshies.

Nothing tastes better than free food.

Stranger

2005-08-24T00:50:00.000-04:00

I just finished reading "The Stranger", a basically existentialist story by Camus. It wasn't the most interesting thing, but I didn't have any trouble with it.

The protagonist is a killer, and a guilty one at that, but he's a reasonable man. Near the end he's speaking to a chaplain (shortly before his execution) and they have an argument. The chaplain insists that life is suffering, and that the protagonist needs forgiveness for his crime and to find God. He says he doesn't know what a sin is, but his guilt is being paid for by his execution. When the priest goes on he is dismissed, because the condemned doesn't want to waste his time on God.

Then, for the first time in the book, he begins drawing direct philisophical conclusions. He decides on nihilism, "nothing mattered, and I knew why". The why is, of course, that everything dies. Finally, he "opened [himself] to the gentle indifference of the world" and "was happy again." The book ends with the statement: "For everything to be consummated, for me to feel less alone, I had only to wish that there be a large crowd of spectators the day of my execution and that they greet me with cries of hate."

Though the subject matter of the book is rather gloomy, I find the conclusion quite cheerful. By conforming to his circumstances the protagonist finds happiness in his own death, an internal rather than external escape from the punishment society has imposed on him. Existentialism is a fine ideal, but I think it's impractical. If everything is meaningful then meaning is worthless, which is just nihilism in a bright shiny package.

Anyhoo, now I need another book to read on my way to and from campus.

Not dead, no matter how I smell

2005-08-23T22:49:00.000-04:00

I’m sorry I left without saying goodbye.

I'm also sorry I haven't updated this or talked to anyone in a long time. I know I should have and I meant to, I just never got around to it.

There are reasons for my misanthropy:

1. For quite a bit of the summer I felt more like a slightly rabid badger than my normal self. Don’t believe me? My younger brother, one of his friends, and a guy named Brian all bear visible marks of my violent tendencies. Hopefully none of them scar too badly.

2. I wasn't completely sure of my departure date until I left. My mom's work schedule is weird and there were some other uncertainties.

3. Guilt. I'm not going to elaborate on that.

Now I'm going to post the things I wrote but didn't post because I had no internet.

Night out

2005-08-20T23:39:00.000-04:00

Pittsburgh can be a great place to live sometimes. Tonight, for instance, I went to a free concert at Station Square. Station Square is an old train station (hence the name) that has been converted into restaurants and stores. To get there we took the "T" Pittsburgh's mini-subway system, which is small but clean and empty.
The bands were mediocre and the crowd was about average (for a Budweiser sponsored event). There was a couple slow-dancing behind us and another by the stage. I expect they'd been drinking as they were all older and the music began well and became progressively heavier. By the end younger people crowded the stage, throwing up the horns and screaming. But those two didn't notice, holding each other close and swaying slowly back and forth. They looked like idiots,aura of happiness notwithstanding.
My favorite thing about station square is the view. There's a fountain that's about eight feet wide and fifty feet long in the middle of a little courtyard. On the other side of the fountain are some of the big metal parts from the railroad and right past that is the river. Downtown is right across the river, and at night all the tall buildings light up on top. The fountain itself has a little water and light show synched up to music. I know it doesn't sound impressive but it's really quite mesmerizing. Every twenty minutes the fountain changes music, ranging from Sinatra to songs from Disney movies, to Christina Aguilera. That was what drove us away tonight.
After being subjected to that caterwailing we boarded a lift and went to the top of Mount Washington. Don't let the name fool you, it's just another of Pennsylvania's glorified hills. The view from up there is even better, though it is primarily enjoyed by couples. They could have their foreplay in private, but one of my companions pointed out that voyeurism is very cheap, as hobbies go.

Help, my psyche is broken

2005-08-16T23:33:00.000-04:00

I wrote a long, rambling, whiny, pathetic post that I've decided not to drive you away with, instead, is an outline of the main text, and the final paragraph in entirety (it didn’t suck as much):

It isn’t worth believing a lie if that’s what it takes to be happy. Examples ad nauseam.
Innocence is ignorance, everyone is in denial.
People have a guilty conscience from all the denial.
I used to lie to people a lot, what from the insecurity and gout.
Okay, maybe not the gout.
I almost lied to one of my roommates earlier today.
TEH GASP! I have a guilty conscience due to my very own inherent idiocy. what joy.

Now, post-whine analysis. It seems I now feel guilty for SHIT I DIDN’T EVEN DO. I don’t mind guilt, but Goddamn! I at least want to be guilty of something before my subconscious starts flagellating me. Somebody kick me before I start confessing to the crimes I didn’t commit or crying over unpunted kittens.

And now the paragraph that didn’t suck:
In 30 years I might resemble a flabby Mr. Clean. My mother’s grandfather, father, brother, and his sons (my cousins) have all lost or begun to lose their hair. Since the gene for male pattern baldness is passed down on the mother’s side it means I will probably go bald someday. So there’s something to look forward to.

“It seems that I, uh, forgot to put on pants this morning . . .”

2005-08-12T23:27:00.000-04:00

Have you ever uttered this phrase? No? I use this case as an example of my absent-mindedness and spotty memory.
It was summer, about two years ago, when my trousers slipped my mind. I was living in a dorm and sleeping in pajamas at night. They could be mistaken at a distance for corduroys or (very wrinkled) pin-striped suit pants, enough that my roommate wouldn’t notice. At least four times I made it outside oblivious to my pantslessness. My friends found this quite humorous, but I was generally slightly embarrassed.
So you see I have a perfectly good reason for not wearing pajamas anymore- I want to remember to wear pants.

And now how I moved into my apartment

My mom’s odd work schedule dictated my departure date, as she wanted to see my new place and help me get moved in. My friends Ken and Jason had moved out of Jason’s old apartment and into our new one on the first of August. Chris, who lives in Virginia, was moving in on the 6th or 7th so I thought I would be the last to arrive if I came on the 11th.

I arrived at the apartment in the afternoon, but nobody was home. I didn’t have a key, but I figured somebody would come back soon. So I waited a while and called their cell phones. After a bit longer I called Jason’s home to see if they knew what he was up to. Turns out Jason was there, in Philadelphia. Ken is a Pittsburgh native, so I called his home to see if his family would know his whereabouts. His brother informed me that he was in Virginia, and wouldn’t be back anytime soon. He also said Chris wouldn’t be moving in until the next Saturday, the 13th.
Fortunately, Ken’s brother had a spare key. He drove down and gave me the key, which was very kind of him. He didn’t seem happy about it, but Ken told me he has some sort of a grudge against humanity. He seemed like the kind of guy who’d be comfortable breaking people’s knees, or crushing souls into a tangy jam. Then again, I doubt I’d have been in a very good mood if I had to drive to Central Oakland in rush hour traffic and broiling heat.

Long absences with little justification

2005-07-16T00:10:00.000-04:00

I have written a few blog-type things, but they languish in obscurity on my computer (disconnected from internet) downstairs. The average temperature in this room is around 95 during the day and it is often being used by other people.

Oh yeah, and my life is boring. I have done things and gone places, but most of my time has been spent in a continually fruitless and frustrating job search and in reading books. I have read about 4000 pages in the last month, because reading is my traditional coping mechanism for frustration. Escapist fiction and all that jazz. The primary disadvantage is that it takes up time and produces no tangible result (except for flabbiness of Shane), but the advantages include a perpetually elevated mood, improved vocabulary, and no angry outbursting. Tanstaafl and I think it's worth it. (Tanstaafl means "There ain't no such thing as a free lunch" and comes from Hienlien's (probably misspelled) "The Moon is a Harsh Mistress")

If I feel so inclined I will upload one of the more interesting things I wrote downstairs, but I warn you now that side effects of reading them include headache, nausea, and an intense desire to kick me in the head.

Feeling fabulous

2005-06-19T23:12:00.000-04:00

in an entirely heterosexual way. Sorry boys, I'm still off-limits.

If you're in my area stop by that ole barn called Millbrook and get a gander of the whores. They dance and they do other things too, including 10 or so costume changes. Yeah ridiculous.

I like the car, what with the driving and such.

Time flies. . .

2005-06-18T15:23:00.000-04:00

when I have nothing to do. It feels like summer just started, but I've been home for more than a month and a half. What have I accomplished in this time? Precious little.

On the job front- more leads, but no results. I'm using careerlink now, so that's opened a few more possibilities. Soon I will begin actively looking for jobs I know I will hate.

More happily, I have a new car. Not actually new, and not strictly mine, but reliable transportation none-the-less. A 1998 Chevy Cavalier, in great shape but with rather high mileage (113K).

I don't particularly mind sharing it with my sister as she strives toward her driver's licence, or that it is a particularly un-manly shade of purple.

Rather Dull

2005-06-09T16:14:00.000-04:00

That's how things have been going. On the upside I've been getting a lot done around here. I've read about 100 pages for the Geography class I'm taking at LHU every day and about 200 per day of various things I brought home with me.

I've looked at about 20 cars and am bored to death of them. If I had a few hundred more dollars I'd just buy one myself, but my sister/dad are much pickier than I am. By the end of next week I expect my patience will be up.

Still no news on the job-front.

Oh, and my social life is so dead that it's being decomposed by vermin. Actually, my siblings and their friends aren't quite as terrible as all that.

I still like to drive

2005-05-30T14:45:00.000-04:00

My weekend was largely devoted to fetching my sister from Missouri. It was about 17 hours both ways, not including stops. We left friday afternoon and got back sometime yesterday morning.

Lots of driving, which I enjoyed, and some getting lost, which I did not. Now, I never got lost, but I was expected to find/make routes when my dad did. Man do I hate maps.

Regardless, the result was that my sister is home now. Oh, and I met her boyfriend. He's from Guyana, served in the Army (in Iraq) and is ridiculously religious. Also, he has a nice baritone and lots of plans for his future. My verdict: If he can put up with her and my nutty family he's welcome to it.

I choose blue

2005-05-19T02:38:00.000-04:00

The final installment in the fundamental base of geekdom that is Star Wars has been unleashed upon us all.

It does not suck.

Parts of it flirt with glory while other moments bathe in the stuff Jar-Jar was made from, but the overall finished product is neither.

If I attempt an objective analysis I find that it is ehhhhhh and a decent flick, but, really, who am I kidding? I'm about as objective here as I am an elephant, which is not very much at all. I've seen the original trilogy more times than I can count, and I know more about the mythology than any single person has any right to know.

I was impressing Caitlin's little brother Deven (how is that even a name? I'll just call him Bob) with my ridiculous knowledge. I, for instance, know how many crystals are in a lightsaber (up to 3, though only 1 is necessary), which colors there are, and who uses which ones. I know who Salacious Crumb is, and even his species (Kowakian monkey-lizard/muppet).

So there's probably no way George Lucas could have made a film that would've exceeded (or even lived up to) my expectations. At the same time, I hated most of Episodes I and II and expected more of the same.

Some of the parts of Ep. III were reminiscient of those two, but other parts came close to the originals. Obi-wan, for instance, was absolutely spot-on at times. Ewan echoed the nobility and grace that Sir Alec Guiness brought to the part in the originals.

There were quite a few lightsaber battles, and uncountable other assorted fight scenes, which were not so bad. The endless scenery/spaceship and other entirely gratuitous special effects shots got dull though. I kept thinking, "that's pretty, but it doesn't exactly advance the story". The pacing wasn't so great in general, especially near the beginning.

Still, a good effort and a palatable result.

On the way home from the movie I was listening to NPR and I heard an interesting story. It seems that people wearing red are more likely to win in competitions. In boxing and Tae-Kwon-Do, where the colors are randomly distributed among contenders, the figure was as high as 60% victory for those wearing red, but the overall average was just 55%.

I think it makes sense that red implies dominance and represents advantage. I have always prefered blue, but I also generally root for the underdog. Most people, I think, prefer blue and underdogs. That's one of the things Star Wars got right, the bad guys use red and the good guys blue. And Anakin loses his blue after he kill all the children, or "younglings" as they insisted on calling the whelps. That, by the way, made me cringe every time I heard it.

Man do I get long-winded sometimes. Well, my inner geek is going back into his cave to plot and giggle, as he is wont to do. Fortunately, my outer geek remains to take care of daily business.

Now I tire, and will subsequently retire. I will dream of lightsaber battles and solving problems through violence, two things I will probably never live to experience.

By request

2005-05-13T00:25:00.000-04:00

I was asked to put up a thing that I wrote and some pictures from things that I did. If you must submit yourself to reading a piece of the poetry I produced for that class you can check the comments on this post, I'll put something there.

Last Friday I went to Angela's prom with her. Her school was tiny and overwhelmingly female, so she was asking random strangers and people she met at parties (myself included) if they'd go to her prom with her.

Angela

So very tiny (I'm pretty sure this was with heels).

Angela is so small I can put my hands on oppposite sides of her waist and my fingers can almost touch. How ridiculous is that?

Oh, and somebody didn't believe me about the knife. My rebuttal:

So if you ever need to stab anybody, you can borrow this monster.

Unemployed in summertime

2005-05-12T22:28:00.000-04:00

still- I'm looking and I have quite a few prospects. I'm also looking for a vehicle, but my luck there has been even worse.

Man do I like waking up in the afternoon. It's the greatest hobby I've ever had. The best thing about it is that now I don't have that twinge of guilt that came with knowing I'd slept through every single class I was taking.

I'm almost recovered from my homecoming sickness. It's a sort of reverse homesickness, every time I come back here my immune system decides it can take a break. It was a cold or somesuch, I think. I'm afraid being sick affected my mood in the way that it usually does. I realize sometimes that I'm being a jerk, but am miserable enough to not really give a damn. So if you're reading this and are mad at me for something I've done in the last week, I'm sorry but I wasn't feeling very well.

Earlier today my little brother had an appointment and I was sitting in the waiting area. An woman with her son was talking about how she felt uncomfortable with the kid whose diapers she changed behind the wheel of her car. I suggested that she think of him, instead, as the guy who'll be changing her diapers in a couple of years.

It's really rare for me to make fun of strangers like that, usually I only do that to my friends and family. I wonder if anyone can actually tell if I don't like them, as I pretend they don't exist rather than directly going after them. Oh dear, that's passive-aggressive, isn't it? Well I guess it's better than aggressive-aggressive, cause I'd imagine that would involve blood.

Oh! That reminds me that I was looking for a shirt earlier and I found my old combat knife. It's a little over a foot long and I spent like an hour sharpening it and cleaning off the rusty spots. That seems like a little long, doesn't it? I couldn't really do much else though, as there were sleeping kittens all over my lap and I was watching T.V. I was really afraid to wake those kittens, cause if they were startled (they're kind of wild) they would just start biting and clawing, and my jeans aren't that thick.

To finish up I'll offer a short summary of my summer: sleep, food, out, food, computer, sleep, sleep, sleep, computer, food, sleep, out, sleep, sleep. It really isn't as much fun as it sounds.

Summer hath begun

2005-05-01T20:37:00.000-04:00

And it ith productiff. Since I got home I've applied and interviewed for a job, dismantled, cleaned, and set up a desk, and rigged an outlet for my computer.

My older brother (Seth) seems to have dropped off the face of the earth. He isn't answering his e-mail, his phone has been disconnected, and his in-laws have evaporated. The best theory anybody's come up with is that with the school year over he and his wife moved in with her parents. His old apartment's phone isn't working because nobody lives there right now, and his in-laws have moved someplace new and left an incorrect phone number and no forwarding address. Alternatively, aliens have abducted them all. If they're still incommunicado in a couple weeks I might be making a trip up to Canada to try and hunt them down.

Until I either pick up a job or summer classes start I've got nothing to do. This looks like it will be boring for a while. Luckily people should be coming home in droves, and LHU's finals will be over by next week. I'm sure I'll find things to occupy my time until then.

Also, through an odd twist of circumstances I might be doing quite a bit of driving on Friday/Saturday and attending a high school prom. This is what I get for making friends ;-).

Over

2005-04-28T03:12:00.000-04:00

I'm free.

I should clean my room and pack.

It feels like I was going crazy and now I'm calm, free, and happy.

Even though I'm pretty certain I'm going to fail a class (for the first time ever) I feel pretty good about it. I know I tried but wasn't quite good enough. Now that there's nothing left to do about it there's no point in worrying. I think I'm going to retake that class in the fall, replace the old grade, and forget about it. It's like the drunk guy outside the 7-11 told me tonight, "Shometime you can't do nuthin, and thas a lod better than knowin that there's shomethin you should do and not doin it." Or something like that. He also talked a bit about how ignorance was his "exclamation" for his disinterest in religion. He left when I opened my mouth, because "he's just gonna make fun of me", can people tell that just from looking at me? Maybe I'm just a natural critic.

Have a great day, and look forward to your own freedom.

Looks like horizon

2005-04-26T01:03:00.000-04:00

Argument final went well. Better than expected.

8 AM Wealth and Power, which I will pwn.

At high noon I've got a date with that dirty rat-bastard Symbolic Logic. I'm quick on the draw and well-prepared, but he's got more than a few tricks up his sleeves. If I survive you might not recognize me, cause this monster's been known to tear a man limb from limb. My neighbor, you know, the bouncer with the blue mohawk, was so scared he chickened out- he's not even gonna show. Can't say I blame him either, but I'll be there. I have to at least try.

The actual point of this post was that I got my list of personal semester goals back from Big Jason, I achieved one of seven. And it was #6. It would bother me, except that I managed things I didn't predict and wouldn't have thought possible.

Oh well, at least now I have something to work on when finals are over.

Yay weekend again

2005-04-25T00:10:00.000-04:00

Got a bunch of studying/writing done. Also, cooked a bit at the surprise Hirsh's going-away/April birthdays party. Joy's graduation party was saturday, and I spent today doing work (except for another "lunch"). I had an enormously good time at Joy's, and I made friends with some of her and Peace's friends. There was a girl from their church who was particularly nice, and eventually cut off some of my hair (maybe an inch).

No time to write more (finals all week), but I'll be home by Friday afternoon sometime.

Man camp

2005-04-17T23:36:00.000-04:00

Friday night we packed into the Blindian's car and headed off to camp. Or so we had planned. Two hours into a one hour trip we were horribly lost and began looking for a friendly local to ask directions from. Unfortunately, the ones we saw were armed and decidedly unfriendly looking. We eventually asked a mid-teen (looking) kid who was sitting on a bench on his porch and staring blankly off into space while a dog barked angrily inside. He didn't know anything. Trial and error (attempting every road from a single intersection) eventually brought us to our goal. There was so much yelling and confusion that Ben tore into the place when we finally arrived. This earned us all the ire of the camp manager, an invitation to leave, and Ben got the nickname "Hotrod". Also, most people's ideas of "roughing it" pale in comparison to my own. We definitely had a roof over our heads, running water, and electricity within walking distance. In my book that's cheating.

I still suck at Basketball, throwing and catching baseballs, and (to a degree) tossing medium sized logs. However, I almost won the poker game (grand prize a 6' length of steel chain) and correctly invented rules for a crazy game involving chucking billiard balls. Heating the marshmallow poker things until they were bright orange was very fun, and playing with them hot was great. One got left in the fire too long and bent halfway into an L shape, but after it was reheated I straightening it using a couple rocks. I felt like a primitive blacksmith or somesuch, which was cool. Oh, and you can make a delicious meal using assorted vegetables, meat, tin foil and a dying fire. This surprised me, since I've eaten many terrible meals made using much more civilized methods. Sodexho (our campus food service company) truly is fit only for prison food. That alone would ensure that life was worse than death for the criminals.

So much work to do this week, and I'm completely unready to do it. The good thing is this means next week is pretty open for me. I might even get home earlier then I had planned, which is great. I really need to get the ball rolling on this summer though, especially classes at LHU. I'll try to remember to do that tomorrow, during the day.

"Hotrod" Ben showing off the manliness of the chain.

My salvation

2005-04-09T03:04:00.000-04:00

Last night I went to the "All Campus Worship" thingie, and honestly it wasn't that great. I probably would've left (and come back) or taken a nap except that Ramesh (the manager of food services in Schenley) had to work and couldn't stay. He had asked me to videotape it for him, so I paid attention the entire time. I can tolerate the stomping/slapping step people, just because it's a hold-over from their High Schools. Mimes, though? Jesus mimes? I don't get it. I think they're weird. And slightly scary. But you should've heard the crowd, from the applause you would've guessed they were transmuting water to wine or somesuch.

Anyways, after all that a bunch of us went to some place for dinner. The room where we had to wait to be seated was all high-ceilinged and had very nice acoustics. We ended up singing quite a bit in the long time that we waited. I honestly enjoyed sitting around there singing more than any other religious thing I've been at in a very long time. It was partially the room but mostly just the enormous talent and enthusiasm of the people there, but I (and others) thought it sounded really amazing.

In regards to the title: doing nice things for people makes me feel much better about myself. This is not the purpose of doing them, but it is a welcome side-effect.

Well, off to bed, I've got work tomorrow and it's pretty late now.

Satisfied and scared

2005-04-04T05:13:00.000-04:00

I learned more this weekend than in every class I'm taking this semester combined. I learned about the limits of my body, the nature of my morality, and humanity. I learned that I will not let people hurt themselves or each other if at all possible, even when they're total strangers and intervening puts me in harm's way. I purposely went out when I should've stayed in and worked. Why? Because I knew it would be worth it. It was totally and completely worth every minute.

I think if I died tomorrow I would be satisfied with my life, as it stands. With all the uncertainty that is inherent in life I am grateful for that small security. More than anything right now I wish I could share this feeling with everyone I meet. Just to let them know that none of this really matters in the end, and to let them see that there really is beauty in their soul.

Everyone regrets their mistakes, but I think that there are some things you only learn through pain, and an understanding of our own helplessness. This is why life is such a precious thing, through every pleasure and pain we grow and become. There are things we fools and idiots know that an angel could never understand, terrible and beautiful and painful and, above all else, true.

I have said before that I would rather know the truth than be happy. But what I hope above all else is that someday I can know the truth and be happy. Still, I am satisfied with looking for that truth even if I never really find it.

What I'm afraid of is that someday I'll give up or I'll screw up when people I care about are depending on me. When I think about getting married and having a kid I'm scared. I know better than anyone what I'm capable of, and the thought of hurting someone so close to me terrifies me. I don't think I'll ever be able to handle that kind of responsibility. More then that I'm afraid that someday I'll think I am when I'm not, and I will demonstrate my inadequacy by hurting people I love. I would rather die. So that's why I don't date.

I know this post might seem a little crazy, but there are a couple good reasons for that (and a few silly ones.) If it doesn't make any sense to you then just move along. Oh, and have a great day, regardless of the circumstances.

Jesus- Zombie Savior of the World

2005-03-27T02:23:00.000-05:00

What do you call somebody who comes back from the dead? A zombie. Jesus was/is a flying ghost/zombie which can both phase through walls and be solid to the touch. Now we celebrate by eating Pagan fertility symbols made out of candy. Cause, you know, that's the point of the holiday.

Lately I've been in a bit of a slump, and I think I'm starting to come out of it. The main harbinger of goodness I've witnessed is that my dreams aren't full of people death and violence. I'm tired of lately and I'm ready for something new. It is time for a change now.

In other news: this week went rather well. I went to a poetry reading to get some extra credit and I ended up enjoying it quite a bit. The poet was a guy named Steve Scafidi, he's a regular guy who makes cabinets In one of the poems the speaker was addressing his infant daughter and he said this: "we will, little drifter into dream, die . . . for such is the burden of the beloved . . . when your sorrow comes, take it and make a fist of joy." Some of the other poems were funny, which was also nice.

On Thursday I went to a big pot-luck Easter dinner, which was fun. I made it back to my room by 1 or 2ish, but for some reason I slept in Friday morning. I slept in until 4:30 in the afternoon. That's a little late for a weekday, even for me.

I just thought of something a second ago. We all dream when we sleep, whether you can remember it or not you dream. I think maybe we never stop dreaming. Right now I am awake and conscious, but I might also be dreaming. I don't mean that the conscious experience is a dream but rather that there is are dreams going on now in the background of my brain. The reason I don't notice is that reality is too bright and immediate, it covers over the imaginary narrarative, but that doesn't mean it isn't there. This whole idea very well could be pointless, but it's the kind of thing I think of at 2 in the morning on Easter Sunday.

Happy Maewyn Succat Day!

2005-03-17T12:35:00.000-05:00

What? didn't you know St. Patrick's real name? now you do. His latin name was "Patricius" but his real name was Maewyn. At work one of the leaders offered the kids $5 if they could guess it right, but "Maewyn" was a little out of the reach of the third graders. It isn't nice to pick on little kids like that. Just saying.

It's not only that I've been too busy to blog but also that lately I've been feeling sort of blah. I honestly haven't been avoiding anyone deliberately, it's just that I'm at a place where the only thing I want is sleep. And superpowers. Those would rock.

My new work schedule is wholly and completely different than my prior ones. I have about the same number of hours, but now they're all after school programs and computer classes for the elderly instead of office hours. I really like both teaching old people and working with kids, but it's a lot more stressful than running off copies and such. Maybe this trade off will result in better teaching, tutoring, and child supervision skills, but I'm not sure I really need those anyway. Also, the new after school program I'm working with is made up entirely of African-American girls who are in 9th grade. I think I have more common ground with the average llama then with any one of them.

Short summary of break (sunday-sunday): I got to see almost everybody I wanted to over break, and some things surprised me. The guys I expected to be in pretty bad shape were doing well (considering the circumstances), and I'm not so worried about them now. Other friends were their own wonderful selves, and I was reminded why I love them all so very much. Some people are pwning their studies in their sleep while others (even more importantly) seem to have really grown enormously.

My family was doing much worse then I'd expected, but my presence at home managed to prevent at least one potential disaster. Hopefully things don't get any worse before the summer. I honestly don't see any easy solutions. If dad gets a job it will probably help a lot, just by giving him something to do and maybe making him less tense. Another possibility is that Ethan gets his issues resolved, if he could just start acting (if not being) happy or cooperating then that'd make things a lot easier. Either way I just want them all to be there and in one piece when I get back.

I seem to have lost the thing that lets me feel the passage of time, as (even more then usual) I find myself wondering what what day of the week it is and, upon checking my watch, being surprised by the truth of it.

I know I need to throw myself entirely into my work, but something is holding me back. I know in a very immediate way how much I need to do well this semester, but I just can't seem to focus on my work. I'm going to be fine though, of that I'm overwhelmingly confident. What frustrates me is that I can see exactly how all the problems I'm facing right now are a direct result of my own actions (or rather inaction). Oh well, I've talked to some other people and it seems I'm not the only one in this boat.

yin and yang, heavy on yin

2005-03-14T02:10:00.000-05:00

What I mean is that the good things of spring break more then balanced the bad. There was some of each, but greatness overall.
but I'll get to all that later.
when my work is done.
or deadlines aren't killing me.

until then: Photos of my little trip to the art museum in philly are online.

I may sleep or may just devote myself to work. Haven't decided yet.

First day of break

2005-03-06T00:42:00.000-05:00

I'm not going to blog anything else until I get back to school, just because I'd be writing something every day. Next Sunday I'll write a bit when I get back to my room. It'll give me something semi-productive to do.

6 AM wakeup counterbalanced by 7 AM breakfast with men.
Day spent mostly with Ethan. He was pretty okay.
Steak and potatoes for dinner, which is one way my mom says she loves me. I've always had a grudge against green things, but the noble potato is my friend.

Bowling was fun, though I started paying attention to what I was doing near the end. This means I threw the ball in the gutter 5 times in a row. It was lots of fun. Ran into Greg and Dom in Dunkin Donuts, which means I don't have to look up Trav's number tomorrow (it's on my hand). Everything was very fun and good tonight.

In Walmart we ran into Leo's dad. Josh talked to him but I'm pretty sure he didn't remember me. He pointed out what day it was. I think he had the right to do it, and maybe it's better this way. It's just easier to pretend sometimes. It's just that it was so much easier to overlook then it is to think about.

I see now that I was trying not to remember.

I'm sorry.

Frank Thompson

2005-03-05T13:23:00.000-05:00

My dad was helping my little brother with a report and he found some old things his mother's father had written. My great grandfather immigrated to the U.S. from England and, when he was 67 he typed up this summary of his life.

"I am the only one of my family to come to the USA, and so I feel that my life is a new generation, from now on they are all Americans." That's how I feel about it too. Some people have a rich cultural heritage of some kind from their ancestors, but I'd rather just be an American.

"Our family was Mother and Father and nine children, eleven in all. When I was very young, I went to kindergarten school at the Wesleyan Methodist Day School on Mandale Road, Thornaby-On-Tees. We had to pay a few pennies each week for tuition so when I was about nine years old I got a job as apprentice to a butcher."
His parents paid his tuition until he was nine, then he supported his education out of his own pocket. If you made kids do that now (pay to go to school) then less might go, but they'd value it a lot more. Then again, he quit school when he was 13 to work as a butcher. I wonder how thirteen year olds now could drop out of school and get a real job.

"I moved from place to place as I got my wages every six months. I went to work for whoever would give me the most because I was not afraid of any work so they could not hurt me. If somebody else could do something I could do it as well and I could stay with anybody in any job."
That's something to be proud of right there, and I find myself agreeing a lot. He worked wherever he was paid the most, not out of greed, but simply because it was all the same to him. When I think about what I'll do after college it comes down to money, just because I don't have any preference in career. A job is a job, and I am not afraid of any work.

In 1911 he crossed the Atlantic, having his 20th birthday on the boat. "My pal Rob wanted to come to the USA and he paid my fare [so that I could go also.] We knew that there was money everywhere to be gotten easily in the USA. I told myself I was going to work for mine and that I would stand on my own."

After he got here he mostly worked on farms, eventually marrying in 1918, getting his own farm and he "made out good." He had a total of five children, two boys and three girls. One of his sons was in the Air Force, he died in Japan in World War II. He and his wife visited England three times during their marriage. She died in sixty one and he lived until about five years later.

I just thought that was all pretty neat, and now I know a bit about one of my great grandfathers.

Consider me sprung

2005-03-05T00:40:00.000-05:00

into break, of course. I'm with my family, which is not a bad place to be because they're in good moods (or relatively less sullen, in Ethan's case).

I'll be contacting some people tomorrow sometime to see what's up and who what-sits etc. More specifically, I haven't seen Jake or the rest of the guys since last fall, so I'm gonna remedy that this week. Tomorrow I get to test my memory and phone usage skills, long dormant vestiges of youth which have served no practical purpose throughout college life.

Okay, now I've been up for almost 40 hours again. I don't really know how this happens but I'm going to sleep now.

I guess sometimes organized religion isn't so bad

2005-02-28T17:32:00.000-05:00

So I checked my mail today and I had a package. This package was from my church at home. I vaguely remember someone there getting my address so they could send me the newsletter. Though I never received such a letter I was not overly perturbed.

My dad told me a while ago that he had a bit of a (further) falling out with the pastor over the prison ministry issues and had stopped attending. Maybe he started going again, maybe he didn't. Either way they sent me a care package.

This thing is chock full of food, soap, toothpaste, school supplies, and a couple of illegible handwritten notes (from the pre-schoolers, I think). It warms my stupid little heart to receive such a gesture and this serves as a bit of a reminder that there are still a whole bunch of kind and generous people at home who care about me and wish me well. This makes me want to do well, so that their wishes will be fulfilled.

It's also snowing, which is pretty darn beautiful. Outside my window there are some major funky currents, so I can see snow going in every conceivable direction, and it's really neat to watch.

I can't believe how much more productive I am without sleep.

I feel absolutely wonderful

2005-02-28T11:52:00.000-05:00

I didn't sleep last night, not a wink. I got this weird urge and just stayed up all night. I actually spent about two hours just sitting there thinking. I think not sleeping has taken quite a chunk out of my intelligence, but I'm beginning to realize this isn't so bad.

For one thing, I can focus now in ways I normally don't even attempt to. I did a lot of writing last night and just now, and it was all pretty good. I didn't even have to try much, because my mind wasn't wandering at all. I'm not 100%, but whatever I do have is more concentrated and easier to handle.

I'm beginning to think I should sleep less often. Then again, a couple of my joints ache pretty decently, which is my body telling me it would like some rest. I can live with it, and I think it's a pretty fair trade off for what I'm getting out of it.

Maybe I'll crash later today, but for now I feel great.

Addendum: 2:00 and I'm still flying. I've been in an unordinately good mood though. Oh yeah, and caffiene is a wonderful drug. By abstaining from it about 6 days a week I don't build up a tolerance so on days like today it transforms me from what is basically a decomposing corpse into a happy, alert, and fully-functional (albeit slightly shaky) student. My hands are vibrating in the most interesting fashion possible. Also, I laughed loudly and often during my Argument class, where normally I would've just smiled and appreciated the prof.'s humor. On the way here (to the lab to further revise my group project) I ran into a member of my group (who contributed nothing) and he agreed to look over the paper. His revision e-mail contained only this: "THE MEDIA IS F***ING US IN THE ***!!! paper looks good man, very good. I'll see you in class. peace". This is the guy who said he was a great writer, so I guess that means he, like many other great writers, has had a bit much too drink. Speaking of drink, I'm thinking about another cuppa joe. Mmmm, joe.

The Glory that is Weekend

2005-02-26T02:06:00.000-05:00

Friday classes generally suck, but they're over by 4 PM. I spend the afternoon doing basically nothing and the night, the night is glorious. Significant time spent hanging out with friends is a requirement for life. I feel so horribly better during and afterward that I am amazed. Other people have crazy stories like mine and this makes me happy. The humorous anecdotes and bits of reality that I share with other people might amuse them, but it reminds me. I remember all the great things which surrounded the events I focus on and am continually reminded of happiness. I just returned from about 5 solid hours of this, which I must say has done more to make me feel better about this week then all the liquor in South Oakland could have.

Now I'm going to play a computer game that took me considerable work to obtain/fix/burn/rip/install, and will therefore be immesurably more satisfying.

Though I am supremely aware of bad I find myself focusing on good, which leads me to this conclusion: Yay for life.

well, that went about as expected

2005-02-24T13:58:00.000-05:00

I pretty much rocked the presentation this morning- I was a shaking a bit but my delivery wasn't too bad. The other students told me I did well and the Prof. said I was about as good as a grad student.

Logic exam sucked. I estimate my grade was around 18/160, which sucks. However, i think I'll be able to re-take it and get at least an E. Something like that anyway.

Finals will be easy, in comparison anyway

2005-02-22T22:17:00.000-05:00

Monday was the wealth and power presentation. To prepare for this our group met on Sunday and formulated things. We decided to do it in a debate style, which meant that we sat around and people would say, "So. . . what's a good argument", and then they'd write down what I told them. Then someone else would say, "So. . . what's a good counter-argument" and then there would be silence until I told them. For the actual presentation they fleshed out what I'd given them a bit, mostly with pop culture examples. This same genius group has to come up with a 15 page paper by Friday. I want, so badly, just to write the whole thing but the group wants to contribute so instead I'll be re-writing the whole thing. Yippee.

Thursday I teach my Chinese Law and Development class about the history and current state of drugs in China. I currently have enough research to speak intelligently for about 1/3 as long as I need to. For some reason this doesn't worry me in the slightest. I know I'll be fine for that.

Did I mention Friday is our first big in-class Argument thing? yeah, that'll suck.
The 2nd Logic exam is thursday and I've been to class/recitation 3 times in the last 2 weeks. That I'm worried about.

Friday is also my poetry midterm, which will be nothing but cake. For that I'll be studying exactly nil. EDIT: turns out this isn't until next week. good.

Mmmm, Friday.

2005-02-19T16:33:00.000-05:00

I completely forgot to go to Logic recitation on Friday, why? I was sound asleep on a couch. I slept from about 1:45 until 6:45. When I woke up I had to run a bit to meet the guys on time, but I like running a bit right after a nap anyway. A couple guys were late anyway, so it worked out alright.

First thing we did was split up into groups of 4 or 5 and consume the following: A gallon of milk, a container of chocolate syrup, and 5 banannas. This took about 10 minutes and, surprisingly, nobody threw up. It was pretty good but I was still hungry.

Then we played human tug of war, a slight variation of the classic game. It works like this, two guys grab onto a short section of rope facing each other and their teams then pick them up and pull. I was the rope guy for the first round, which my team won. The problems with this game are many. Firstly, it was something like 10 degrees out but it was still necessary to take off your coat so it wouldn't get ripped or anything. Second, when a bunch of guys are pulling for all their worth on your legs your pants will be pulled at least halfway down your thighs. At least. Most importantly, when people win or lose tug of war they drop the rope and you land, middle-section first, on hard frozen ground. It's like getting kicked in the crotch by the earth itself. Anyways, it was a great time all around. Jason did puke right after tug-of-war and by the time we left the cathedral it was frozen all over the ground.

When all that was over I grabbed a pizza and a couple of us headed up to Sutherland and watched "City of God". It's a really good movie and I highly recommend it. Joel and I were the only ones there would could tell you that, as Ken, Chris, and Laurel were all sleeping fitfully by the end of the movie. I think it's great when people fall asleep all around me, it's just so peaceful and calming. Sleeping people remind me of babies, and who doesn't think babies are cute?

Oh yeah, then I came back here and went to sleep. I think I woke up around an hour ago, which was great. Weekends are so wonderfully good.

Romance can't make you happy

2005-02-14T18:00:00.000-05:00

Though it might just make you happier. Either way, I'm doing well enough without a "significant other".

This holiday, commercial as it is, at least nominally celebrates romantic love. The importance of love can't really be overestimated, though it would be nice if the non-romantic kinds got more attention. In the spirit of anti-holiday, though, I give you this. If I didn't see you in person I didn't give you a valentine, so pick one out here.

Honestly, I don't put much stock in romantic love, as my only two experiences with it weren't too great. The first was almost entirely internal, incredibly long-lasting, and always repressed by the smarter parts of my mind. I don't regret anything I did (or didn't do), but for about the millionth time I wish I was in full control of my emotions. Anyway, the second experience was more tangible but not so good. The first was a daydream and the second was a kind of nightmare. I'm sure anybody who reads this is, at least peripherally, aware of what happened there so I won't go into it.

Anyway, the point of all that was to say this: I am cynical about dating, but consider my cynicism fully justified. I know that good relationships exist the way I know russian roullette isn't always fatal. Just because I know it isn't always fatal doesn't mean I'm willing to try it.

I haven't shaved in over twenty-five days. The purpose of this was to demonstrate my manliness. It hasn't worked, what little hair has grown isn't noticable from more then two feet away. From a reasonable distance it just looks like I need to wash my face. So why am I doing this? Everyone from the intercampus men's group I'm in is doing "Facial Hair February" for the next meeting, this Friday. For some reason I seem to have the testosterone level of a 10 year old girl. I'm just glad that I'm not short anymore, I don't think I could cope with looking like I'm 14 forever. Maybe a moustache or beard with materialize overnight sometime this week.

This weekend was loads of fun. My friend Lily came up from E-town to visit me and we had lots of fun. We went bowling with the Cru crew on Friday, and my team easily won by a landslide. Tess and Deanna (who bowled a 178 the second game) gave me a bunch of tips because I couldn't hit anything in my first 8 throws, and I credit them with my improvement. I ended up with a ninety-something the second game, which I was reasonably proud of. Also, it is absolutly impossible to look cool while bowling, so you shouldn't even try.

Saturday morning at around 3 AM somebody lit a couch on fire on the 4th floor of my dorm. I was on the 14th (in Joel's room) because Lily was staying in my room and we wouldn't have even known about it if somebody hadn't called to tell us. We evacuated the building, found Lily, and waited until 4:30 when we were let back in. When the firefighters put out the couch they flooded the 4th floor and the water soaked the elevators, which are still out of commission. I do not want to exercise, which includes climbing up and down stairs. Unfortunatly, nobody is willing to carry me and so I am condemned to trudge.

Saturday night was spent hanging out at Jason's apartment before walking down to Shadyside for dinner. I almost want to live there so I can tell everyone that it is I who puts the shady in shadyside. Almost.

Lily left Sunday afternoon, when I was planning on getting my work done. Just as I began to start to consider working I got news of a little birthday party for Neil, so I abandoned all thought of productivity. Ice cream cake, pizza, and video games go well together. I can't recommend Resident Evil 4 highly enough, anything that can make 12 people say, "Ooh, shiny, get the shiny" seconds before they scream, "SHOOT THE M*TH*R-F***ER!!! THE EYES, THE EYES!" can't be wrong. Also, it contains the first boss-battle/cinematic-knife-fight I've ever seen. Some interesting ways you can die? A)rolled over Indiana-Jones style by a giant rock B)Decapitated with a chainsaw C)Ripped in half by the Cave Troll from Lord of the Rings D)Eaten by a fat hyper-regenerating naked-thing E)Salamander food. and many many more! I think I'll be getting it for my lil bro eventually, he'd like it.

Early this morning I wrote a pantoum, which is a kind of poem. The lines are repeated throughout it in this pattern: ABCD BEDF EGFH GIHJ ICJA I wasn't sure how much leeway I had with the lines, so I changed them quite a bit. The form isn't quite traditional but I like the result and the prof.'s always saying "Form fits content, content dictates form." So I was a little heavy on the second one, bending the rules of the form to fit my content.

Oh, btw, friends are sooo much better then romanticals. I have so many friends and am so grateful for them I can't find the words to describe it. Take that, cupid.

There isn't enough time in the world

2005-02-05T01:16:00.000-05:00

That or it's like money, distributed unevenly so that those who have the most need it the least. I feel like if everything would just stay still for a couple of minutes people would begin to work things out. Maybe a few days would be necessary. Either way, this is all conjecture.

Talked to Seth (2nd oldest brother) today. He's doing well, what with school and all that. It's a little odd talking to him now, we've kind of grow apart a bit. I guess that's what happens when you talk to someone once every couple of months for a couple of years. He's still going to school, working, and preparing for seminary.

I had some really great pizza earlier. The guy who made it for me told me that it was the most beautiful pizza he'd ever seen. Pepperoni, sausage, and mushroom piled half an inch thick over the whole thing. So that was nice.